Silver Scars
by Opaque
Summary: Ginny's growing up...and it's a painful process. She's changing and no one seems to realize it. Pretty angsty, rated for seriousness of content. Some G/H more G/D. This work is completed and i might do a sequel
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: If I owned them, you'd be paying to read this. Trust me you're not.   
  
A/N: A lot of introspect here, but the plot will thicken later, this is just an introduction to Ginny's state of mind.   
  
  
  
  
  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive…  
Goo Goo Dolls 'Iris'  
  
  
  
Virginia Weasly was running. Not towards anything but running because she wanted desperately to be free. It was the last few days of school and classes had ended. Everyone had been in the Gryfinndor common room, gather their things, cleaning out cobwebs and finding the socks that had been missing for months before they left Hogwart's for the summer. Ron was tripping over suitcases while to trying to get Hermione alone for a minute 'to make sure he had written down all his assignments'. (Who did he think he was kidding?) And Harry kept muttering about an' important date' he had to uphold that day.   
And through it all Ginny had sat watching them holler, toss things, laughing and joking and had felt like she was a one-man audience watching a colorful play going past her eyes. It was as though she was suddenly removed from the world of her friends and family…and with out realizing what had happened she had to get away. So she had left unnoticed and began to walk out to the grounds surrounding Hogwart's. She walked faster and faster until she started running and before she knew it, her robes were discarded in the grass and she ran in only a light sundress Hermione had bought her for Christmas. Her hair fell down and streamed behind her in a copper tangle, free for the mischievous fingers of the wind to play with. And she felt it all slip away; the tender ache that had resided in her chest for so long seemed to dim in the sun light and racing colors that flashed passed her eyes as she tore up the hill side.   
When she reached the top of the hill she stopped, out of breath, hair flying about her small face. And she began to spin; letting the energy flow freely from her and feeling all the frustration leave her fragile body. As she spun in dizzy circles it suddenly didn't matter that Ron would always treat her like she was a helpless ten-year-old and the Harry would never know she was alive. It didn't matter that Fred and George had forgotten her birthday and that Hermione was too busy being in love to notice how lonely she was. She was free and she didn't need any of them.   
In her freedom, she felt an energy rise from deep in her soul. And with a bursting laugh she released it to flow freely from her. In response she felt them come. Just one or two at first that flashed by her spinning eyes like bits of live silver. The faeries had come! She had called them with her soul and if she didn't fall over she knew they would dance with her…even if she was small and freckled. It was a gift to be able to call the faerie people.   
  
Finally exhausted she allowed herself to fall to the ground, happier than she had been in months and months. Life would go on despite her fears and doubts. It always did.  
Ginny pulled herself up, still dizzy and tripped down the hill, ready to face the frenzy of the common room. Then, as she entered the courtyard Ginny suddenly stopped. Harry was there, pacing up and down looking rather nervous. 'Poor bloke,' thought Ginny 'it must get pretty lonely for him with Ron and Hermione suddenly disappearing at all times giving the lamest excuses ever thought of by the wizard race. Last time Ron actually said he was helping Hermione wax her legs! Dear Merlin do we look stupid to him or something?'  
Her thoughts were interrupted by the entrance of a rather lovely girl with lipid eyes and long flowing black hair. Cho Chang. Suddenly Ginny felt her mood changing. She was too far away to hear what they were saying. And she didn't want to know. Her fragile state of happiness depended on not hearing Harry plead a love case to the older smarter prettier Cho. But before she could turn and flee it happened. The kiss. Harry was kissing her. Cho's protests died down as she left her arms wrap around his neck…  
Ginny felt herself slipping. Her insides turned to mush and heart stopped all together. For one horrible moment she was sure she would die right then. But she didn't. Instead she turned around and walked slowly to the Gryfinndor common room. The noise had died down and people were lounging about tired out from a hard day's work. Ginny walked silently to her bed, still too stunned to react to what she had seen. She couldn't think, only walk like someone possessed by an Imperious Curse. Ginny sat on her bed and began to mechanically pack the clothes scattered around her.   
As she shoved her possessions absently in the chest, her fingers brushed upon a picture that hung out of one of her pockets. Harry Ron and Hermione were all waving madly at her dressed in the horrible wool jumpers her mom knitted them every Christmas. Seeing him there, smiling up at her, finally snap her fine hold of control. And sobbing she sank slowly to the floor.   
  
********************  
  
After an eternity the tears finally did stop. Exhausted, Ginny lifted herself off the floor and was amazed to find how tired she was. She stretched and looked at her watch. 'Great Merlin! It's been two hours! I have to get my things packed and get ready to go home...' she thought back to the scene she had seen earlier. The dull ache had come back to her ten fold.   
'I can't live like this. I can't. I have work to do and things to accomplish…My world can't start and stop with Harry or I'll go mad! I always feel like my life will fall apart when he pushes me aside or doesn't notice me and the worst part is that it doesn't. It doesn't end, the sun keeps rising and setting and I have to go on.' She knew that the whole Harry Potter crush had grown into an inoperable brain tumor in her life. 'I can live, if I could just get rid of this ache. This bitter gnawing ache…' she thought, knowing tears were threatening again. Tears she didn't have time for. And almost like she was in a trance, she reached into the very very bottom of her oak chest. A month ago at Hogsmeade, she had gone shopping with Hermione, who need something special to 'make sure Ron didn't forget her during the summer'. 'Ha,' Ginny had thought, 'Show up in dress that short and you can bet he won't forget you.' She had had some pocket money on her and at one of the shops a small silver knife had caught her eye. It had a very delicate blade with a handle shaped like a blaze of silver faeries. Ginny had bought it on impulse and considered it one of the few little articles that were hers alone. But that didn't matter. At that moment Ginny took the blade rubbed the broad edge up and down her arm. It felt so cool against her pale skin…  
"Ginny! You haven't packed anything! What are you going to do tomorrow?"   
Ginny froze at the sound of Hermione rushing into the dorm flushed and excited trying to frantically control her bushy hair. She quietly slipped the knife into the pocket of her sundress and looked up innocently at Hermione, forcing a smile across her face.   
"I felt so tired today…you know between the twins' ribbing and all. I'll pack tomorrow."  
"Yes well, you did get all your assignments? I don't know how I will be able to do anything at all but study this summer. With our last year right around the bend…"  
"Oh, I'm sure Ron will think of something to distract you," Ginny said struggling to keep all traces of bitterness from her voice.  
Hermione was giggling in a very un-hermione like way. "Yes well, whatever his faults, no one can say Ron is not creative."  
Ginny couldn't help but smile. The change in Hermione since Ron had weaseled his way into her affections was to say the least astounding. She did tend to let her hair down more…though it was not quite clear whether that was due to Hermione loosening up, or the fact that Ron always had his hands tangled in it. Ginny was happy for them, (anything was better then the two years of Ron, swinging between anger depression and denial over his feelings for Hermione. People who thought men in love were cute obviously never lived with them) But she just wasn't in the mood for blushing and giggles. The ache in her heart wouldn't let her enjoy it.   
"Hermione, I think I left my robes out on the lawn today when I was running. I'll just go get them before Filch and Mrs. Norris find them." Ginny quickly got up pushing her matted hair out of her eyes. Hermione was obviously off in her own world as she just nodded and murmured something about not staying out too late after hours.   
Ginny fled and absently searched for a room-any room- where she could be alone. 'I'll get my robes in the morning,' she thought as she shut the door to an empty chamber on the floor above her dorms. It was dark and musty and in the shadows of the night the room at first looked empty, but as her eyes adjusted to the dark she could see that it was some sort of storage space for old artifacts and curiosities. There were portraits of wizards who were long dead and strange animals that had been stuff to look real and alive again not to mention a litter of old dusty books. The room reeked of the dead and decayed. It was eerie. It was dank. It was just what she was looking for.   
Slowly she took out the knife weighing it gently in the palm of her hand. She traced the lines on her palm with the tip of knife pressing lightly just so that it tickled slightly. Then she looked at the dorsal side of her hand and studied the lines that creased over her fingers. Calmly, deliberately, she cut a small vertical line over the joint of her index finger. It hurt, leaving a slight burning sensation and a tiny trail of blood that dried almost instantly. The pain in her hand made the ache in her heart hurt just a little bit less. So she cut again. And again. And again. She made hair fine cuts over her fingers and little angel cuts around her wrists. Travelling upwards, she made lace like cuts over her arm and a little lightening shaped cut in the hollow of her elbow. Like Harry's. Little cuts that left almost no blood but stung like lemon juice in your eye. They would heal in a few days, and leave no scars, or if they did, they would be little silver scars that no one would see.   
Her hand hurt so much she was sure she would not be able to write for at least a day. And for all the pain of her cutting, the ache in her heart felt bearable like she could control it now. She could move on. It was high time she grew up anyway; she was going to be sixteen in a few months as it was. And life stubbornly continued despite crushed hopes and disappointments. But she would keep her blade with her all the same.   
  
It might be useful, in the coming year.   



	2. Frustrations

Disclaimer: Guess what?! Last week I bought all rights to Harry Potter from JK Rowling. Now I own them and anyone who writes fanfiction is getting sued. Expect my lawyer's documents in the mail.   
  
Now: How many of you believe me?  
  
  
AN: okay I was requested by concerned family members to up the rating of this to R. I don't want kids reading this because of the cutting, (please don't get the idea that this is a way to solve your problems) but R seems a little stiff to me. I'd like feedback please, so tell me if you think I need to up this rating.  
  
Thanks for all the reviewers…you guys are why I write.   
  
To the reviewer who thought Ginny cutting herself over Harry was melodramatic, thanks for the opinion. Really. But GINNY IS NOT SUICIDAL IN THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's not. She cuts herself. It's NOT the same thing. I don't like girls who commit suicide over guys; I think it's kinda silly. However she's not cutting because of Harry. That was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Harry will play a part in her frustration but not as much as might originally seem. Look, this will all make more sense a little later on. Just bare with me.   
  
To Mari who thought a Ginny/ Draco romance would be nice…hmm…Draco will play a big part in this story in the next chapter. In fact I could play Draco in three different ways and I haven't decided yet if he'll be a good guy or a bad guy (but I don't think he'll be too bad in this). When the time comes you reviewers get to decide…we'll make it a vote. Until then…Read, and pls. Review so I know where to go with this. Nuff said. Onwards!  
  
  
Sadly, a Typical Day  
  
Ginny sat in the cool grass around the roots of a silver birch tree that grew in the wilderness behind the Burrow. In the early morning shade of the tree; toadstools, buttercups and dandelions sprouted up in abundance and she sat amongst them concentrating on the rippling energy she felt just bellow the surface of her consciousness. Mentally pulling at it gently she felt it bubble forth slowly, fighting to reach the surface and escape. It was harder to do when she wasn't bursting in jubilation, but there was no chance of that right now.  
  
As she felt the mystical call begin to flow from her fingers and lips she thought, 'Concentrate. Concentration is the key. Concentration…' then she saw her. A tiny wood sprite peeked out from a knoll on the bark of the tree. Slowly she crept forward looking at her caller curiously. Then she began to dance, twirling no higher than Ginny's index finger, in tiny circles and intricate steps. She was calling others as more sprites began to come forth from the grass and toadstools. Groomed in the leaves and petals they danced at Ginny's feet. She felt eyes tear up at the sight of them trusting her so completely. The she saw the closed bud of a buttercup began to open. Fascinated she watched as the pale hair thin arm of a tiny faerie stretched forward as if reaching for the sun. Just a little more…  
  
"GINNY! VIRGINIA WEASLY WHERE ARE YOU?! GINNY! ANSWER ME!"  
She froze as her mother's voice ripped through the trance that she had woven with the tiny magical beings. Looking down at the sight of the dance she found they had all disappeared. Even the tiny buttercup had closed it petals tightly again. An unnamable sadness swept through her.   
  
"GINNY WHERE HAVE YOU GOTTEN OFF TO!" her mother shouted again. Ginny pulled her self off the ground, wiping the unshed tears that trembled at the ends of her eyelashes away. "Coming mother, I'm coming," she said in hushed voice. Mrs. Weasly continued to call her daughter as Ginny gathered her robes up as ran up the hill to the Burrow.  
  
Upon seeing the stream of auburn hair Mrs. Weasly stopped shouting and placed her hands defiantly on her hips. "Ginny do you have any idea how worried I was? What are you doing gallivanting off at dawn? No one in the house is even awake yet…oh look at your robes, they are covered with grass stains! Upon my wand you are as much trouble as twins at times. Get in side."  
  
Ginny followed absently, still half caught in the luster of the faeries. Her mother sat her down at the kitchen table and handed her a dust cloth. "Your father will be up in twenty minutes and I want breakfast ready. I'm sending the twins with him to the ministry, now that they've graduated. Merlin knows those boys need distractions else they'll be into nothing but trouble all summer…"  
  
"Yes mother." 'Does she think being in the ministry will keep them out of trouble? No, it will just transfer trouble to a different turf.' Needless to say she left this comment to herself. In her mind she saw the tiny hand of the faerie that was reaching out of the buttercup…   
  
"…and I want what's left of the silver polished. Did you hear me say Harry's owl came? He's coming this afternoon. Now I might be out today because I need to get Ron some new robes. The hand-me-downs from the twins are just too short and I found the moths have eaten Charlie's old ones. Remind me to redo the moth protection charm on the clothes in the attic will you dear?"  
  
"Yes mother." That faerie must have been new to fit in such a small bud. Ginny wondered if she ran quickly after her mother was distracted if she could make it come out again.   
  
"Any ways, as I was saying, if I am gone when Harry comes you make sure he eats before Ron and Hermione whisk him away. The two of them are still asleep, the dears. You know they were studying all night!"  
  
'Yeah right,' thought Ginny 'And Fred and George are the next candidates for Minster of Magic.' The hand of that faerie looked as if it were reaching for the tiny golden rays of early sunlight that filtered through the birch leaves…she would have to go as soon as her mother turned her back…   
  
"…And she has done wonders with Ron's studying; well you saw him so eager to stay by the pond with her till one in the morning just to collect flashing glow worms for that potions class. That's the sort of thing he would have just ignored a couple of years ago…"  
  
'Now I understand why the twins are always saying Gullible's Travels around you. If I had some one to neck with at one in the morning I'd collect glow worms too.'  
"…aren't you being quiet this morning. Probably because you were up so early. Or is it because of Harry coming?"  
"NO mother. I'll be fine."  
"Now I know about that little crush…"  
"Mother, I'm sixteen. Please."  
"Alright, alright if you say so. But do make sure he eats, Lord knows what those Muggles do to him. I'm so glad he's staying with us this summer. Ginny dear, do remember to de-gnome garden today. They are destroying the place. Which reminds me, No more traipsing about in the woods today."  
Ginny snapped out of her trance like state "But Mother! Please let me go. I'll wait till after I de-gnome the Garden. Just please let me go!"  
"Now Ginny really. You're too old to scratching about out there. Besides, I want you to let the hems out in your robes today before school starts, and with both Harry and Hermione staying…I need you here."  
"But-"  
"Ginny, please. With Percy gone I need at least one docile child in the house. Hmm?"  
  
Her mother gave her a stern, yet reproachful look. Ginny swallowed back the lump that was forming in her throat. "Yes Mother." With out thinking her fingers began to flex…   
  
*************************  
Morning in the Burrow was like everything else in the Burrow, a chaotic mess of dishes flying left and right, food spilling and some one always yelling 'Fred get your elbow out of my porridge'. It was no wonder that when Ginny walked into the kitchen later in the morning she took one look at Fred and George wrestling, and Ron ducking Hermione out of the way of a floating skillet before she grabbed a piece of cold toast from the counter and fled.  
  
Days like this the Burrow seemed to have too many people. Hermione had wasted no time in visiting which was a blessing in some senses and a curse in others. It kept Ron busy but the two of them did nothing but fight, make up, and pretend to study when they were doing nothing beyond staring into each others eyes for all Ginny could tell. And Harry would come soon, which was sure to add to the hectic-ness of the place.  
  
'It is so easy to get lost in all the chaos around here,' she thought as she chewed silently on her toast. 'It's almost a relief at times.'  
  
At that moment Ron and Hermione were studying transfigurations. Or at least Ron was working on transfiguring a patch of Hermione's neck, from sun tanned to bright red. He was succeeding too, until something fuzzy and black rubbed against his leg. He glanced down…and screamed.   
  
"AAAAHHH! Ye Gads! A SPIDER!" He jumped, frightening Hermione who also jumped sending a pile of books, scrolls, quills and ink crashing to the ground. Ron's face was a pale green and Hermione looked like Moaning Murtle. On queue a burst of cackling laughter erupted behind them. Ron swung around to find Fred and George clutching they're sides in uncontrolled laughter. Ron felt his face turning blistering red. "YOU. ARE. DEAD!" he screamed as he took chase after the already running twins.   
  
"THIS IS THE LAST STRAW. DAD I'M KILLING THEM THIS TIME."  
"Ron," called Hermione after him trying to compose herself, "Try not to get too much blood on the carpet." Those two could really push it too far sometimes.   
  
Ginny heard the thunder of her three older brothers storming down the steps. As they reached the bottom and headed for the kitchen, she saw them each zoom past, first Fred and George who were still in hysterics over their latest prank and then Ron who was swearing left and right not to mention blasting furiously with his wand. A moment later there was a crash. Then came out bursts from both her mother and father yelling at the three of them to stop bickering and clean up the mess. It was ended however by a near manic laugh from Ron who was shouting, "HA! You to can belch up slugs from now till next Christmas! BWHAHAHA!" only to be completed by a "Ron the ministry is going to be furious! You know you're not allowed to use magic during the holidays!" Ron obviously was ignoring he's father's warning.  
  
'That's it,' thought Ginny 'He's finally lost it.' As if to confirm her suspicions Ron came storming in, hair flying with an insane grin plastered on his face muttering, "One day, one day they will go too far and I will just say it. I'll just say the curse and watch them as they shrivel up and die in a flash of green light! Not even Harry will be able to save them. And I'll be free, FREE AT LAST! And I'll bury them with spiders. LOTS AND LOTS OF SPIDERS!!!"  
'Aaaah, they've played another spider joke on him. Really they are incorrigible at times. Hermione really ought to help him get over the spider thing though.'  
Her thoughts were interrupted by Ron calling over to her. He seemed to have relaxed some. "Oy, Gin, go clean up the glass off the kitchen floor. Mum's getting the twins off and I don't want Hermione stepping on it."   
"Ron, I'm…"  
"Gin, please. I left Mione looking like she'd seen a ghost."  
"Alright…" she sighed.  
  
Ginny walked into the kitchen to see her mother preparing to leave, muttering about the mess on the floor. 'They must have broken every glass on the kitchen table,' she thought.  
"Ginny, dear, will you clean this up? I know it was the boys but Ron says the twins gave Hermione a fright and he's gone to go check on her. I have to go else it will be fretfully crowded in Diagon Alley."  
"But Mothers that's-"  
"Now don't argue dear just sweep it up," said Mrs. Weasly obviously flustered as she prepared the floo powder.  
  
"But mother, that's what I was coming to do," said Ginny as her mother disappeared with a great woosh up the chimney. But Mrs. Weasly was already gone. Ginny began to gather the pieces of glass off the floor. She didn't even blink when a piece cut her hand. For some reason her fingers would not stop flexing…and she kept getting a bitter taste in her mouth.  
  
******************  
  
After the glass was swept up, Ginny finished the silver (what little there was) then she cleared out the fireplace and began to dust. It was terribly tedious work to do with magic and with out it, the work was beyond monotonous. She pulled out the old robes from last year and the ones of Ron's she would modify for this coming year but she was too weary to make the adjustments.  
  
Instead Ginny climbed wearily up to her room. She hated days like this and every day was like this. She felt a sort of impending misery for no reason. So she couldn't go to the woods again, no matter, there was always tomorrow. So, Fred and George were obnoxious and Ron was in another world, so what? So her mother seemed to live in the middle of a tornado…it was not worth crying over. But she felt like crying, or worse like she needed to cry but couldn't and instead she had to deal with rock pressing down on her chest.   
  
It was pressure; a constant subtle pressure that she couldn't get rid of. But there were things that could relieve the pressure…She opened the top drawer of her bureau and looked at the sliver knife that winked back at her brightly in the sunlight. Tracing her fingers over the faeries carved in the handle she began to bit her nail debating if the time was right…  
  
"Ginny!"   
She jumped at Hermione's voice, slamming the drawer shut. "Yeah?" she said forcing to keep the tremor out of her voice.   
"Listen, Ron and I are going for a walk…"  
"A nature walk, really," added Ron.   
"To gather something for… Herbology class. An assignment for professor Sprout."  
Ginny wonder for a moment if they even took Herbology in the last year of Hogwarts.   
"Actually we have to gather wild pansy seedlings," said Ron. His face was split in a grin that would have put Fred and George to shame. He seemed to be entertaining his own private joke. Hermione turned to look at him with a quirked eyebrow then caught his grin and seemed to clue in. Turning again to look at Ginny she nodded, "Yes wild pansies."  
  
Ginny sighed, thinking, 'Do I have the word MORON carved on my forehead? Wild pansies? Other wise known as Heartease, often called Jump up and Kiss Me's, by country folk. Yeah Good one Ron.'  
"So," she said out loud "What do you want me to do for you?"   
"Just tell Mum where we are if she comes."  
"What if Harry arrives?"  
"We'll be back before then. Bye, Gin."  
"Bye…"  
  
And they were gone. The house seemed very empty. It never ceased to amaze Ginny how quiet the Burrow became once the twins were gone. Delete Ron and Hermione from the picture and the place seemed to echo like a tomb. Even the ghoul in the attic was quiet. She opened up the drawer again looked at her knife. She almost took it but just as her fingers went to clasp the blade she saw something else. Her leads. A set of fine pencil leads that Bill had sent her from Egypt for her fifteenth birthday. She thought back to the scene she had witness that morning and an idea took hold of her. She didn't generally draw spectacularly but with faeries it was different, because she could see them like live pictures in front of her eyes. If she couldn't capture her buttercup faerie in life she would capture it on paper.   
  
The wonderful thing about drawing was that Ginny could lose herself in it. Time became irrelevant, sounds drowned out (even though at that moment there were no sounds from the house) and she could escape. When sketching, she could steady her trembling hands, stop her fingers from flexing and swallow back the bitter ache in her throat. It took all her thoughts away from the world around her and kept her concentration focused on the image at her hands. The shades of gray. The shadows and the light.   
  
Ginny wasn't sure how long she had been sketching. But she was startled by a great thud in the kitchen followed by a great deal of coughing. Thinking Ron and Hermione had returned from their jaunt she went down stairs to greet them. Maybe Hermione would look at her sketches with her.  
  
But as she entered the kitchen, she found it wasn't the lovebirds returned. It was Harry.   
  
He stood in the Weasly fireplace covered with soot, brushing himself off. "Hello! Is anyone in?" he called.   
  
"Hello, Harry," said Ginny walking forward and reaching to drag his trunk away from the hearth. Harry helped her pull all his things away and proceeded to sit down quickly in one of the kitchen chairs. "Its awfully quiet around here, are you the only one in?"  
  
"Yeah, mum went to Diagon Alley, Fred and George are off to help father at the ministry and Ron and Hermione are out collecting seedlings for Herbology."  
Harry scrunched his forehead. "I don't remember any herbology assignments."  
"Professor Sprout didn't ask for wild pansies?" she said innocently.   
"Not that I recall…I hope didn't miss any assignments."  
  
Ginny wondered if it was her imagination, or if the word MORON was actually appearing on his forehead.  
Ginny shook her head slightly and poured him a glass of lemonade. "Here, mum says you're to eat, with no exceptions, so what would you like? Ham, eggs, porridge or all?"  
"Ham and eggs if you don't mind… you know the adversity the Dursley's have to me eating."  
Ginny smiled and began to cut the ham.  
Harry watched her with the distinct feeling that something was wrong with the whole exchange. He couldn't put his finger on it but something was definitely not right. Then it hit him. Ginny wasn't blushing. Or stuttering. Or dropping anything.   
  
"Are you feeling okay, Ginny?" he asked.  
"Yes, I'm fine. Would you like some tomatoes with this?"  
"Er-no."  
  
Harry felt a little disappointed. He had been looking forward to seeing her jump around like a scared kitten. 'No that's mean…it's just kind of cute. Esspecially after Cho…maybe that's why she's acting this way. Ron probably told her about Cho. Well that can be fixed…'  
  
"So how's your summer been, Harry," Ginny asked.  
"With the Dursley's? Oh wonderful! Truly splendid. Dudley and I spent the whole time laughing and playing like old friends! Please…How do you think it was? Horrible of course. Though I have some good news…with me turning eighteen soon they have basically told me they expect me out by the end of the year. I tell you I have never been so happy to be thrown out of any where!"  
  
"I'm sure you'll be happier once you have a place of your own. Though no doubt Mum and Dad will insist that you stay here till you've found some place decent," said Ginny cracking eggs into a skillet. Still no blush.  
  
Harry bit his lip for a minute. "The beginning wasn't bad…of the summer I mean. You know I finally got Cho to go out with me."  
"Yes, I figured as much. I saw you guys snogging the last few days of school."  
It was Harry's turn to blush. "Yeah, well. It was fun while it lasted…she broke with me though."  
"Really? Why?"  
"Cedric you know, and his death. It all sort of circles around me doesn't it? She just couldn't take it."  
Ginny began frying the ham, but turned around and threw him a sympathetic glance. "Sorry it didn't work out. It must have been a pretty rotten time. Though maybe if you give her some time she'll come round. Give her a couple of weeks and write her again, maybe she'll change her mind."  
  
"Yeah well, maybe." Harry felt his male ego deflating rapidly. Was this Ginny the girl who had had a crush on him for five years? She didn't even burn herself frying the ham and everyone burns themselves when they fry ham!  
He was determined to at least see her blush a little.  
"So is it just me and you in the house?"  
"You and I, Harry."  
"You sound like Hermione."  
"Considering how much I've being seeing of her this summer it's no wonder. All the Weasly's grammar has improved ten fold."  
"Fine then, Is it just You and I in the house by ourselves?"  
"Not really. I have to de-gnome the garden in few minutes."  
"Oh, come now…you're not going to leave me here all by myself are you?" he asked playfully.  
  
She scraped the eggs and ham on a plate and turned to look him in the eye. As he caught her expression he suddenly felt very very foolish. She looked like mother giving a confused but stern look to her three-year-old son. It struck Harry suddenly just how much she seemed to have grown over the summer.   
  
"I'm going to be up in my room for awhile before I start de-gnoming. If you need anything just holler."  
  
As she turned to leave the room Harry sighed feeling both dissatisfied and disappointed. She had finally grown out of her crush. Just like that. He didn't realize you could just withdraw a crush on someone at your own free will. It didn't seem…well quite nice if that was the word. He had finally prepared himself to notice the little girl with the crush, if only to distract him his disappointment with Cho and now not only had he missed out on it but he also wondered if he had missed Ginny the child all together.   
  
Ginny closed the door to her room again and sat down at her desk. She did not need this. She did not need Harry flirting with her out of boredom. He was flirting with her, wasn't he? She wasn't sure. Suddenly she felt unjustified anger towards herself. 'For the sake of Merlin and your sanity can you please get your life under control girl? I refuse to let this unsettle me. This is old and I don't have time for it.' Grimly she looked at her unfinished sketches. She picked up her pencils, determined to finish them.   
  
The next thing she knew, Ginny heard another thud in the kitchen. A very mother-like thud. Dropping her finished sketch she cursed as she realized it was now very late in the afternoon, her father would be home soon and she hadn't touched the garden. She ran down the stairs only to be greeted by the stern face of a less then happy Mrs. Weasly. "The garden, Ginny?" was all she said. Ginny looked down and bit her lip. "I lost track of time. I'll do it right now."  
"Look, mum, me and Hermione and Harry can do it. We're free," said Ron, obviously feeling guilty about the ton of work he hadn't been doing.   
  
"No, dear, I know you have been studying all day. Ginny just snap to it? I don't ask for much, just a few things to help me with…" Her mother had that disappointed tone in her voice that made Ginny's heart sink.   
"I'll do it right now."   
  
Ron and Hermione both looked guilty and quickly stood up. "We don't mind," said Hermione quickly "We need a break from the books and it's kind of fun throwing gnomes over the wall."  
"Sit, both of you," Ginny said coldly. "I'll do it right now."   
  
Ginny clamped her jaw down harshly. 'I should have let them do it. They don't do anything but snog as it is. But I promised mum so I will. And Lord I need to get out of the house. Why does everyone on the face of the blasted planet have to show up on our doorstep!' she thought furiously as she stormed out to the yard. 'I'm being unreasonable and I know it. I being irrational and I'm not making a shred of sense! None of this bloody matters any ways and I'm acting like a blazing martyred. Why damn it!? Why do I have to bloody feel this way?' She was now throwing the gnomes, which she usually felt a great deal of pity for, mercilessly over the wall. She felt helplessly wretched for no explainable reason except that she hated herself and the awful ache that was lodged in her chest.   
  
Suddenly an almost welcomed pain shot through her hand. One of the gnomes was biting furiously into her hand, drawing blood. She shook the thing off tears stinging in her eyes, fighting the over whelming urge to throttle the creature. She looked at her bleeding hand and thought of how easy it would be go up right then and release all her frustration with a few quick strokes. Her thumb was flexing uncontrollably as her right hand shook in pain. It frightened her sometimes how easy it had become to deal with things through her blade. Just as soon as she was done with the blasted garden…  
  
An hour later she went silently to the bathroom to wash the dirt off her hands. She heard her father come in along with her brothers and felt the noise volume of the house shoot upwards in a matter of seconds. She walked slowly to the room and stood in the doorway as her father and brothers welcomed Harry with manly handshakes and lighthearted ribbing. They all looked so warm and so like…her family. When had she stopped feeling a part of that? What had happened?  
  
Fred and George caught her before she could escape back to her room. The feeling of her family was infectious; they made her smile even when she didn't want to. The more she laughed the emptier she felt because unlike the rest of them the laughter that spilled from her lips was as surface as her freckles. At the first chance a lame excuse could buy she escaped to the drawing room where she sank down on the couch breathing heavily.   
  
Suddenly Fred and George came bursting in upon her without warning. Ginny looked up quickly hoping that her distress was hidden in the dim light.   
"Ginny, Umm…have you got any chocolate frogs stashed up in your room?" They were grinning profoundly. She felt the hair begin to stick up on the back of her neck. "Maybe I have a few…" she said. Something was definitely not right.   
"Could you be a dear and run up and get some? We haven't had any in ages. You will share with your poor starving brothers, won't you? Please?" George was giving her his best puppy dog look. Good natured-ly she melted, grateful for the distraction. "Oh stop, you two. Of course, if I can find any..." she got up and made her way up the stairs. Something in the back of her mind was tickling her… The boys wanted chocolate frogs, nothing odd in that. Though George really did need to start watching that waistline. In fact it was nice of them to ask instead of just charging up and rooting through her room…Suddenly she stopped. Of course. If the twins wanted something, they never ever asked. She began to run. She had to see whatever disaster they had set off in her room.   
  
She dashed in just as the explosion erupted.   
Suddenly her walls, her bed, and at that moment herself, were covered in purple slimy goo. She just stood there, stock still frozen in place. Behind, the two of them burst out laughing. "Courtesy of Weasly's Wheezes, Gin. We always did think purple was your favorite color!" they were cackling. She swallowed deeply, numbly, as the disaster sank in slowly. Suddenly she looked over at her desk. Her sketches. She groaned and quickly (as quickly as she could while wading through purple goo) she rushed over to the desk.   
  
They were ruined. Even if by a miracle she could get the purple goo off the lead was smeared beyond repair. Her only piece of the beauty she missed that morning was gone. Crumpling the ruined picture she absently took her knife from the drawer and walked up to the attic trailing purple goo behind her, to set her trembling flexing fingers to rest.   
  
  
******************  
Later that night as she sat, fingers stinging, hemming her robes the twins came bounding in again. She didn't look up, but George didn't let it phase him. He swooped her up in his big brother embrace and began to tickle her madly on the floor. Fred joined in and tweaked both her ears and nose.  
  
"Now you're not going to be missish and sulky about the room are you Gin?"  
"Come now, it was a bit of harmless fun," said Fred as he tweaked her nose again.   
  
'You ruined it. You ruined my work with your harmless fun.'  
  
"Don't give us the silent treatment. We were just playing about."  
"We need to test our inventions on some one…and Ron might really use an unforgivable curse next time," said George  
"Though the look on his face this morning was priceless, ay? A lovely shade of green, I'd say," answered Fred with a laugh "But come on Ginny, you're not going to mind us are you? Hmm? Wittle Ginny Winny? Hmmm?"  
  
'That's right. I'm still ten years old. Next they're going to offer me an Every Flavor Bean and say it's a shiny jewel from India they bought just for me.'  
  
"Here Gin, look what Fred here's got. It's a jewel right from India! I swear that we bought it just for you! You can even eat it, because those Indians are clever chaps, they are."  
  
Ginny wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. But she new it was hopeless staying angry with them for long. "If it's ear wax flavor, I'll use an unforgivable curse on you both," she said.   
  
"That's a girl! Now we'll be good blokes and clean up your room since we are old enough to magic it all away," said George smiling wider than a Cheshire cat.   
  
"And we promise never to explode another Gooey Grape Bomb in your room, Gin," called Fred as he followed George out of the room.  
"Yeah," assured George "Next time we'll use a the Cherry Blood kind!"  
  
Ginny watched them leave and wondered if they would ever know how hard they could make things at times. She looked at the stinging red welts that covered her arms and hands and felt for the blade that was in her pocket. "School will start soon and things will get better. They have to," she thought.   
  
"They have to."  
  
  
  
AN: Hope you are getting a better sense of Ginny's frame of mind. Feed back is always appreciated. Next up: Hogwarts, more of Harry and the entry of Draco Malfoy. Sorry if this is long.   



	3. School should be better

Disclaimer: Go ahead sue me, you'll just find a bunch of student loans and some bonds my Great grandmother got me for my tenth birthday.   
  
A/N so I take it I don't need to up the rating? Good. Nothing much to say except that I like reviews… even mean ones.   
  
READ MY NOTE AT THE BOTTOM!  
  
  
School will be Better…  
  
Harry looked at his potions book with disgust. One week before school Ron had suddenly woken up to the fact that despite all his alleged studying with Hermione he had actually accomplished nothing at all and had ordered the bushy haired heroine too spend the day with Ginny so he could get some work done. Harry had been dragged into the equation, though he preferred doing any other subject besides potions. The thought of Professor Snape made his skin crawl.   
  
The summer hadn't been too bad. Ron and Hermione had always made a point of acting platonic in front of him to ease any friction (never mind that they both sucked at acting) and Fred and George always made for good entertainment. But in the end he noticed that before he had always been in the middle of the trio and suddenly he was on the outside looking in.   
  
Ginny was another mystery to him. She wasn't avoiding him exactly…more like avoiding everyone. It was as if she was in her own private world, a world he didn't have entrance to. She was either busy or gone…she seemed to disappear into the woods all the time. Once when he was out looking for those wild pansies (he was still unsure about that assignment) he saw her spinning barefoot in the grass. But she had seen him and started to walk away. Not quickly in embarrassment but more like he had disturbed her or something. Harry shook his head reverently. She was not acting normal at all.   
  
Of course that annoying voice in the back of his head asked how he would know if she was acting normally of not. The extent of his knowledge of Ginny's behavior included her blushing and dropping things when he entered the room. So she had stopped that. No big deal. The real problem was that it seemed like everyone was changing all at once and he felt left behind.   
  
***********************************  
  
Ginny slowly packed her books in her trunk. She and Hermione had sorted through all her things and now Hermione had gone down to see what progress Ron and Harry were making in Potions. It seemed a miracle that the summer was finally over and school was to begin at last. She packed her newly hemmed robes and her school boots. Looking over at the stack of clothes on her bed Ginny grimaced as she realized that she still hadn't taken in Ron's black robe. Leaving it out she began layering the clothes between her pencils and drawing parchment. Ginny ran her fingers gently over a sketch she had drawn that morning of a tiny silver winged creature skimming over the surface of the pond. In a way they were hers, at least when she called them. For a few moments of glory they belonged to her. Or she belonged to them.   
  
Emptying her drawers she came across her blade. It was looking dull from use and she made a mental note to polish it. Tracing her fingers over the delicate faerie handle, Ginny debated whether or not to take it. Her mind raced through the events of the summer and of the previous year going back and back over times until in her minds eye she was that scared girl who walked shaking towards platform 9 ¾ on her way to Hogwarts for the first time. She smiled at the good times, when Ron had pulled her into his circles, when the twins had been there for her, when Percy had been kind. Then she remembered the bad times. The slow knowledge that Tom Riddle had taken possession of her body, the times Ron had snubbed her and Draco had said biting horrible things about her family. With out thinking she dropped the knife in her trunk.   
  
Ginny walked down stairs, holding drawing parchment in one hand and carrying Ron's black robe under her other arm.   
  
Ron appeared to be screaming. Loudly. In frustration? "I can't, I just can't! It doesn't make sense and I'm going to fail everything! Why didn't we study any hhmmm? This is your entire fault, Hermione! Why didn't you yell at me to study or something!"  
  
Hermione's voice shouted back, "Oh, please Ron, don't even try to blame me for this one! I tried to tell you that we had to quit playing around…you were to one who kept insisting I had to let my hair down!"  
  
"Well you did need to, but not at the expense of my studying!"  
"Your studying!? What about mine? I swear Ron if we were I allowed to use magic I'd- "  
"Yeah, yeah…I've heard it all before."  
SLAP!  
  
Ginny avoided the living room and steered towards her father's study. The last thing she wanted was to witness another one of their pointless arguments. Sitting down in the comfortable chair near the unlit fire she began cutting the stitches of the black cloth. Presently the door opened and shut producing a frazzled looking Harry. He turned around and jumped; he hadn't expected to see Ginny.   
  
"Sorry, am I disturbing you?" he asked. He never could tell if he was welcomed or not around Ginny anymore.   
  
"No, sit down," she said, pushing her hair deftly out of her eyes.   
  
He sat down laughing nervously. "They're at it again. I swear, Ron can be a prat when he gets nervous."  
  
"Yeah," agreed Ginny smiling "But he makes up for it, later. This will last a half and hour at the most before he melts."  
  
Harry snorted and settled into the chair he was sitting in. He waited in silence for a few moments. Seeing that Ginny was not induced to say anything he asked, "So what's that you're working on?"  
"Ron's robes. I'm taking them in."  
"Taking them where?"  
"Taking them in, Harry. At the waist. To fit me." She spoke slowly like he was a small child. He laughed nervously. "I knew that," he said "Really." She shook her head grinning a very Weasly grin. Harry felt himself getting red.   
  
  
Getting up Harry began to pace the room, looking at the odds and ends Mr.Weasly had collected, seeing special notes written under some things stating there function and significance. He nearly cracked up laughing at the thought of the Mr. Weasly dancing about in fascination over the typewriter that seemed to have been given a revered place upon the mantel. Glancing down to the desk he saw an abundance of odds and ends; batteries, springs, wires and plugs. Then he saw a stack of drawings. Very un-MrWeasly like drawings of faeries, wood sprites and elves. Spinning around he asked, "Ginny, are these your father's ?"   
  
Ginny looked up blinking. She bit her lip subconsciously and then looking back to her sewing she said, "No those are mine."  
  
Harry's eyes widen in appreciation. "You drew these? Ginny you've been holding out on us! These are really good. Is this what you keep disappearing off to do?"  
"I don't disappear. But I do draw a lot, when I have time."  
  
Harry quirked an eyebrow and walked over to where she was steadily relining the black robe. He watched as the needle swished back and forth steadily, in clean straight lines of neat stitches.   
"You seem to work well with your hands," he said softly.  
  
If she had looked up she would have seen him analyze her with his eyes. She might have had a conversation with him that went beyond the barest formalities. She might have done a lot of things. But then Fate took a nice twist when they both heard very clearly.   
  
"Harry I need to speak with you."  
  
It was Ron. He was standing by the doorway with his arms folded across his chest. He seemed to be twitching of sorts. "Ginny," he said "Could you be a dear and leave us chaps to talk for a minute?"  
  
Ginny quickly got up and brushed past Harry and her brother, not really sure if Ron had saved her from disaster or pulled her into one. 'They probably want to hash out his fight with Herm,' she thought deciding to go check on the bushy haired girl who was the closest thing she had to a friend.   
  
Back in the study Ron's face went from passive to fierce the moment Ginny left the room.   
  
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT!"  
Harry jumped taken aback at this sudden turn of events. "W-W-What?"  
  
"Quit stuttering like an idiot Harry. Do I. Look STUPID. To you? You think I didn't see you hitting on my sister?"  
  
Harry gulped; this had the potential to turn very very ugly. "I wasn't hitting on Ginny, I was just having a normal conversation…"  
  
"Oh give it up Harry. Look, you think I don't know what the hell is going on? You're upset about Cho, bored with me and Hermione, but if you think that you can entertain yourself with MY sister, think again."  
  
"Ron, One I wasn't…well at least I didn't mean to hit on Ginny. Two, Cho has nothing to do with this and three, Ginny is old enough to make her own decisions about who can say what to her and who she chooses to talk with. If she doesn't want me around, she'll tell me."  
  
The minute he said this Harry realized he had made a BIG mistake. It was almost in slow motion the he felt Ron grab his throat and slam him up against the wall.   
  
"SHE IS A LITTLE GIRL YOU HORMONAL PRAT! SHE IS MY LITTLE SISTER!!!!! IF YOU EVER COME NEAR HER I'LL KILL YOU!"  
  
At that moment Hermione came rushing in only to see her two best friends locked in what looked like a death grip. "Ron! Get off of him! Harry what is going on?"  
  
Harry was too busy gagging and Ron was practically breathing fire. Turning around in blind fury to Hermione he shouted, "This bloody git was hitting on my sister! I don't know what the hell he thinks he's doing but I'd say he has a death wish!"  
  
Hermione tried to dislodge Harry's throat from Ron's fingers as he continued to shout furiously. All was cut short by a low scream from the door.  
  
Ginny was standing, looking very pale as she took in the scene in front of her, her fingers flexing dangerously. Her eyes swept from Harry to Ron. "Ron what do you think you're doing?" she asked her quiet voice cutting through him like a knife.   
  
"I saw what he did, Ginny. You're too young to understand, but he has got to get some self control if he wants to stay here!"  
  
Ginny felt her throat constrict dangerously. Would she ever be seen as anything more than a helpless naïve kid? "Ron, let him go. I'm not ten years old anymore! Just drop it, okay? Lord can't you all leave me alone!?" She could feel her voice cracking with emotion and felt her fingers tremble. Turning around quickly Ginny ran up the stairs to her room.  
  
Collapsing on bed that awful sensation bit her again…The feeling of needing to cry very much and not being able to. Ginny curled herself up in a tight ball clenching her fists. 'Ron IS a stupid prat and Harry is going to drive me insane! Can't he make up his mind about how he feels?'  
  
A few moments later a soft knock was heard at her door. Ginny was in no mood to deal with any of them, but she wasn't in the mood to listen to someone knock at her door for a half an hour either.   
  
She gave a shaky, "Come in."  
  
Hermione stepped inside sympathy etched into all her features. Sitting down next to Ginny she compassionately wrapped her arms around the younger girl's shoulders saying, "Wouldn't it be great if there was a huge explosion and they were all wiped off the face of the earth?"  
"Definitely!" agreed Ginny enthusiastically.   
  
Hermione smiled and took on a 'knowing mother voice' saying, "You know it will be years before Ron begins to suspect that you're grown. We were best friends for years before he even noticed I was a girl! Draco Malfoy caught on before him. I'd like to give you hope but there is none. He does love you, though. You know, if he thought Harry would hurt you or had hurt you, I wouldn't be surprised if he, like tried to kill him or something."  
  
Ginny sighed but couldn't help giggling. "How do you stand him? I mean he's impossible.'  
  
"Yeah, but he's a good kisser," Hermione giggled. Hermione giggling was definitely a post-Ron phenomenon. But suddenly she got very serious. "Ginny, about Harry."  
  
Ginny looked up, pulling a complete stone face to hide the confusion she felt in side her.   
  
"He's all messed up right because of Cho and being his last year at school, and having to move out of the Dursely's. He may say things or act ways that don't make any sense. He's just a little confused right now so don't let him disturb you.."  
  
'In other words he doesn't really like you Ginny because, you're a poor freckle face little sister so don't get your hopes up'  
  
"And half the time he doesn't know what he's feeling so don't you expect to. He'll be back to normal when school starts…" continued Hermione.   
  
'Thanks Herm, for that vote of confidence.'  
  
Hermione looked at Ginny concernedly. "Come on say something. He didn't really hurt your feelings did he?"  
  
Ginny brushed her bangs defiantly out of her eyes. "I was sewing and I really wasn't paying attention to what Harry did or said. I don't think he meant anythign by what he said or didn't say."  
  
Hermione patted her the back. "Good. Now come and eat supper. We can watch Ron trip over himself while he tries to make up with me and Harry at the same time."  
And she led Ginny out of the room.   
  
Ginny let it wash over her, the whole event of the evening. It would shift to the back of her mind and build up with all the other pressure points until her body screamed release. And then she'd blade her way out and she would live. In a few days it wouldn't matter either way; school would start and life would be fine. Just dandy. Ginny shuddered a little. The more she told herself that, the less convinced she was.   
  
**********************************  
  
Getting to the train on time was about like training a circus. Ginny was amazed at the noise, elbowing and general disaster that her family generated. She thanked the lord that Fred and George were gone or else she was positive that they would never have made it. Now finally settled in the train She took a seat by the window and pretended to watch the landscape rush by in a high-speed blur. Her eyes actually observed the three of them as she let the sun filter through her eyelashes. Harry and Ron were speaking again…she had heard Ron give him a 'you'll always be my best friend, I just got carried away' speech the day before. She had thankfully missed the 'but if you touch my sister I will dislocate your shoulder' speech but it seemed that it must have been given too, because Harry would hardly look her in the eye.   
  
The feeling…that made her feel like an outsider looking in to wonderful world of which she was not a part of, was threatening to overwhelm her. But Ginny had learned a trick of her own. 'This is an ocean…' she thought. 'And all the things around me are the choppy waves on the surface. If I sink below the waves I won't feel anything at all.' It was a good trick…the key was not drowning.  
  
She let the conversations of the others wash over her like waves…if she could just loose herself…  
  
"Ginny? Ginny? Are you sleeping?"  
Ginny opened her eyes reluctantly. "No, Ron, what do you want?"  
"Could you get the sandwiches Mum packed? I think I left them in the other compartment."  
  
She stood stretched and walked out towards one of the luggage compartments, thinking, 'Good, maybe I can get some parchment to draw on. Anything to keep my mind busy.'  
  
Ginny found the sandwiches almost immediately, Ron had left them on top of his trunk. Then she knelt before her own trunk and began to rummage through it. As she moved aside her cloaks and robes she had the distinct feeling of some one watching over her. Praying it wasn't Harry she stood quickly and turned.   
  
"What's the hurry, Skinny Ginny, 'fraid someone's gonna catch you rummaging through your charity basket?"  
  
It wasn't Harry. It was Draco Malfoy.  
  
Ginny felt her heart sink. This was the LAST person she wanted to see.   
"Draco, please let me pass," she said. She was in no mood to have a word battle with a guy whose name meant dragon's tongue.  
  
"I think you've grown skinnier, over the summer…Can't they feed you at home any more? Or have you been reduced to forest foraging?"  
  
Ginny scowled at him. "Draco, save it for some one who cares, will you? Don't you think this is getting a little old?" she said as she roughly pushed passed him and headed down the passage.   
  
"Oh, Ginny the quiet Weasly who can actually control her temper…Are you a bastard kid or has being the youngest and most under fed finally broken you? Come on now which one was it that crushed you for life? Being sabotaged by those nitwit twin apes, squashed under Ron or the lovely pressure of years of unrequited love for the four eyed wonder, Harry Potter?"  
  
Ginny froze. She knew if she said anything a dam would break and crumble her hold on herself control and she would either kill him or start crying. Unconsciously she began to flex her fingers…clenching and unclenching them by her sides.  
  
Draco watched her. He watched her freeze in her place with cruel satisfaction. Then he saw her hands flinching…and a sick, bitter taste coated his throat.   
"What's wrong with your hands, Weasly? " he barked.  
  
She looked at her hands in surprise and then at Draco. And he saw the answer written all over her face. What happened exactly is unclear. Draco grabbed her wrist in one wrenching movement, causing the sleeve of her robe to slide up to her shoulder. Ginny gave a low scream and, working on pure adrenaline, she swung her foot around and kicked him in the ankle. Hard. Draco bellowed at the unexpected move and dropped her wrist, falling on his knees to the ground. She could still see the marks from his fingers as she ran down the train passage, ignoring the doors sliding open to see what the commotion was all about.   
  
Draco pulled himself off the floor and limped slowly to his compartment. He fell silently to his seat ignoring the questions that Crabbe and Goyle pelted him with. As the pain in his ankle subsided he thought back to what he had seen. The movement of her hands, the expression of her face... and though he could not be sure in the moments that he had held her thin wrist in his grip, he thought he had caught a glimpse tiny silver scars across her arm.   
  
Ginny stumbled into the room where Ron stood, sandwiches forgotten, and asked her what had happened.  
"We heard a scream, was that you Ginny?" asked Harry, concerned.   
"Yeah," she said shakily. "Nothing serious, just another run in with Malfoy."  
  
Ron's face went from white to red in a matter of nanoseconds. "What did he do, the ruddy bastard!? I'll smash his bloody face in!"  
  
Hermione put her hands on his shoulders in an attempt to calm him. Ginny rubbed her eyes irritably and said, "Don't bother. I kicked him hard. He'll probably limp through the first week of school. Sit down, Ron."  
Harry led her to her seat kneeling in of her. "Are you sure your all right?" he said.   
  
"She said she was fine, " growled Ron. Ginny felt her head begin to throb. Hermione, always one to sense a fight, forced him to sit down. "He's just asking," she whispered softly "Take it easy." Ron snorted under his breath but remained silent. Harry returned to his seat sensing his rather dangerous position and began to read through his Charms book.  
  
Ginny looked around at them. Ron was glowering, Hermione was trying to consolidate him and Harry kept sneaking glances trying to discern whether he was still in danger of being beaten up by Ron.   
  
It was going to be a long trip.   
  
***************************************************  
  
School was the same. Ginny smiled as she trailed down the same halls and looked at the same rooms, making her way down to potions class. 'There is a wonderful stability in school. It's always there, always the same. Never changes,' she thought silently.  
  
The hustle of students and the constant changing classes didn't leave time for self-pity. The busyness was a wonderful distraction. She could almost forget the constant subtle pressure and the needling ache… Almost.   
  
  
  
After the whole incident with Malfoy, Ginny started wearing her dragon skin gloves all time. She was fairly sure that no one could see her scars anyway but she wore then like an insurance policy. Already hand-me-downs from the twins, the constant wear began to show on them and as she entered Snape's dungeon she prayed they wouldn't tear at the seams before class was over. The dungeon was the same dark, dank place that it had been for the last decade. The same. Monotonous. Comfortable. Snape was tall thin and greasy. Also the same.   
  
Five minutes into Potions and Ginny began to wish some things would change at Hogwarts. Like that a train could flatten Snape and wipe him into oblivion. Her class with the Slytherins was going as all classes with the Slytherins went; long stuffy and full of spiteful ridicule. She ignored it to the best of her abilities, tuning it out like she did almost everything else focusing on the potion; measuring the unicorn's hair and the acid dragon's blood with utmost care.   
  
Trying to balance the vile of dragon's blood in one hand she stretched her fingers to reach the flashing glow worms on the table beside her cauldron. RIIIIIIPPPP. Like a cascade, the threads in her gloves spilt apart. Jerking her hand back suddenly she accidentally tipped the vile of blood over and sent it splashing over her uncovered hand.   
  
It burned like blue fire. Ginny let out a small yelp before rubbing her hand on her robes to get the blood off. Not a very good move. The blood ate through the thin cloth like singed flames. Ginny wreathed under the pain and then at the tone of professor Snape as he bellowed "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!"  
  
Ginny held her burned hand and stuttered, "S-s-sir my glove tore and I got dragon's blood on my hand."  
Groaning in exasperation Snape produced a balm, which he quickly applied to her hand to stop the pain. Tearing away the rest of the flimsy hide he examined the gloves before sneering, "Do these date back to the Fred and Goerge, or further back to Charlie? If you can not afford the correct equipment needed for my class then do NOT attend! Is that understood Miss Weasly?"  
Ginny felt her throat tighten. "Yes, sir."  
  
Her answer was followed by a hoot of laughter from the Slytherins particularly Goyle who had managed to fail last year and was stuck in her class. Colin Creavey who was sitting just a ways away from Ginny spoke up angrily, "Professor, It's not her fault that her gloves tore!"  
  
"Mr. Creavey! I will do without your impertinence in my class! Ten points from Gryffindor!"  
  
Though this was met with groans from the Gryffindors and more sniggering from the Slytherins no one said anything further. Ginny felt her eyes smarting horribly. She couldn't cry, she couldn't cut, she could only sit there under Snape's gaze holding her flexing hand until the period ended.   
  
  
  
As soon as the bell rang, Ginny rushed out of the class. Snape had ordered her to Madam Pomfrey's to have her hand checked, but there was no subsurface damage so she was now hurrying down the hall, trying to make her way to the dorms. To her trunk . To her blade. Word of the incident had obviously spread, for every Slytherin in sight was pointing at her and sniggering and the rest of the school cast looks of sympathy as she hurried down the corridor.   
  
Ginny saw it on one level. But subconsciously she blocked most of it out. It didn't matter. Once she got her blade it would all go away…the ache and the frustration… CRASH!  
  
Ginny collided into someone who sent her skidding across the stone floor, causing her ankle the jolt and cutting the skin of her knee and lower leg deeply. Grasping her leg, she bit back the urge to cry out and instead swallowed the sharp pain and tried to focus her vision. Her leg was bleeding. The blood ran down her leg in a dark red continuous stream. Staring at the blood she began to run her fingers through it, using it as a focus point like she did with the cuts she inflicted on her arms. The pain was good and sharp and over whelming. It left no room for the ache in her chest. She was almost grateful to whoever had knocked her down.   
  
Suddenly she remembered that she might have knocked some one else down. Looking up quickly she found herself staring into the eyes of Draco Malfoy.   
  
He was looking at her like a hawk looks at its meal. From the first collision he watched her slide across the floor, skinning her knee in the process. His first instinct had been to just keep walking. Then remembering the scene on the train he stayed and watched her. A chill went up his spine when she ran her fingers through her blood and he suddenly saw her for exactly what she was. The bastard in him smiled. The human in him cringed.   
  
When she finally looked up at him he saw it etched in her features as clear as day. She recoiled back in an attempt to scramble to her feet, but the pain in her leg prevented her. He kneeled down before her on his hunches observing her further before he shot forward and caught her chin in his cold grip.   
  
"You're bleeding," he said coldly, his eyes like liquid ice boring into her's.   
Ginny couldn't even respond.  
"Bleeding's good for you.," he said with a twisted grin. "As long as you bleed you know you're alive. The dead don't bleed." Ginny thought for a moment that his breath would make frost on her cheeks.  
"Sometimes," he continued his eyes glancing to her exposed arms "Sometimes you even bleed to keep yourself alive." He looked straight at her again. Then he stood up and left her there in the middle of the empty corridor to go to whatever class he had.   
  
With a sickening thud in her stomach Ginny realized that he knew what she was doing. He had seen her scars. And she had no idea what he was going to do about it.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Okay sorry if this particular part is kind of depressing. The next part will hopefully be the last so I need some help. One: how do you guys want Malfoy? Evil? Good Guy? Or the main love interest? Review and tell me. Next part will have a lot of Harry's introspect so we'll see what he's doing while all this is going on. I will choose between H/G or G/D solely based on the reviews so vote for who ever you want. The next part will begin happy have a very ugly middle and hopefully end happily…but it really all depends on my mood…and the reviews.   
  
Another point: my finals are coming up in a week so if the next part doesn't come out until early May, it's not writer's block, it's because I would like to pass this term. Happy readings!  



	4. The Last Straw

Disclaimer: *looks around her, then goes to check all her most recent finical holdings* Nope, I still don't own Harry Potter, Ginny, Draco or any other things of JK Rowlings…More's the pity.  
  
AN: Hmmmm…Looks like everyone is pretty sick of Harry/ Ginny Mush. I understand you. Well, well…Here's the deal. Did you guys see the review from Pinky and the Brain? Yeah well that was my little sister. In case you haven't noticed she's kind of an H/G shipper. She is also making my life hell, literally, and threatening to disown me if I write this G/D. Now I promised that I would go solely on reviews…so here's what I'll do: I was going to finish this up in this chapter, but I'm going to delay it by one more chapter. This chapter is your LAST chance to vote on your couples, so if there are any H/G shippers still lurking in the woodwork, you'd better come forward or forever hold your peace. After this I tally up and decide. Choose wisely. PLEASE REVIEW! ;)  
  
  
The Last Straw  
  
  
Harry felt like his whole body had been wracked. He hurt in places he didn't even know existed and as he made his way slowly up the steps to the Gryffindor common room he began to curse the day he had agreed to be Quidditch team Captin. One thing was for sure: he had new respect for Oliver Wood.   
  
He knew everyone was asleep. It was far passed curfew, Harry was only awake because he had fallen asleep in the storeroom of the Quidditch equipment and had been discovered by Flitch only moments earlier. Harry's ears still rang from the lecture Flitch had bellowed at him and he had detention. "It wasn't my fault," grumbled Harry "I was bloody tired. Have him try and plan Quidditch strategies for hours and hours and then practice all night and see if he can keep awake in the end."  
  
Trying to shrug the ache from his drooping shoulders, Harry muttered the password to the sleeping Fat Lady and slowly pushed through the portrait of the Gryffindor common room.   
  
He immediately froze in his tracks. The room, which he expected to be empty and dark, was bathing in warm ember-glow light. A girl was kneeling by the fire and she seemed to be trying to blow the embers to life. A girl with the hair the same color as the dying fire.   
'Ginny?' he thought. But what happened next made all speculations leave his mind. As she blew on the embers, sparks began to rise from the crackling wood. Suddenly, in a rush of light, the tiny sparks took shape and seemed to turn into a thousand flames dancing in the air. As Harry's eyes adjusted to the change in light he realized he was staring into a mass of Fire Sprites.   
  
Still gaping, a sound startled him. Was Ginny singing? She was in a way…but not really, at least not in any mortal voice. All the same she seemed to call them about her in a blaze of fire and light, spinning about her they came, creating an exotic dance before his eyes…   
  
Ginny was vivaciously enchanted. To feel them pull towards her gave a joy, no one could ever understand. She could see and feel them swirl around her drawing her out into their own little world…And with out realizing it she began to dance.  
  
Harry was sure he was hallucinating. He couldn't be watching Ginny, in a thin cotton nightgown dancing in step with Fire Sprites. It was not possible. He HAD to be dreaming. He was so caught up in watching her he didn't notice his grip slowly slacking on the handle of his Firebolt…CRASH  
  
The noise of broom was followed by the portrait slamming shut behind him. Ginny and the sprites surrounding her froze for one brief second, then in a rush the tiny beings all shot back into the embers of the dying fire, like they were sucked into a vortex. In a second the brilliant room was plunged into semi-darkness.  
  
"H-H-Harry?" stuttered Ginny, horrified at the squeaky tone her voice had.   
"G-G-Ginny?" stuttered Harry, horrified at the husky tone his voice had.   
  
The both stood very still, Ginny debating whether to bolt and wishing she could apparate to Nova Scotia and Harry still under the illusion that he was delusional.   
  
"Ginny, what was that? What did I just see?"  
  
Ginny blinked. "Fire Sprites," she said in as matter-of-fact a tone as she could muster.   
He rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Yes, I know they were fire sprites, but you, I mean they - he threw his hands up in frustration - Did, you…speak to them?" he asked in bewilderment.  
  
Ginny shifted uncomfortably and chewed her bottom lip. "I suppose. I mean I called them."  
  
Harry checked to see if his jaw was hanging open and found that it was. He shut it before choking out, "Y-You call sprites?"  
She nodded incredulously, unconsciously stepping back away from him.   
"And faeries? Wood elves? Water nymphs?" he asked eyes wide.   
Ginny swallowed turning around to face the fire, "Yeah."  
Harry began to rake his fingers through his hair. "That's why you were always in the woods? Dancing with faeries? And the drawings?"  
"Basically," she answered flatly. 'Why did he have to see?' she thought bitterly. 'It was something that all my own. He's ruined it.'  
  
Harry's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Ginny, to call the faerie…It's a gift. Not even Hagrid can call faeries, well not like that any ways. Why didn't you tell anyone?"  
  
"It's not a big deal. I mean everyone has gifts…Hermione's a walking encyclopedia, Ron's unbeatable at chess, you play Quidditch and defeat Dark Lords. I call faeries, so what? You don't see Ron parading around school saying 'All hail me the great chess player' do you?"  
"Well actually…"  
  
Her glare made him stop. The expression on her face reminded him for the umpteenth time that she was not the girl she had been. Harry felt an odd stab in his gut at the thought and said quietly, "When did you grow up Ginny?"  
  
She tried -and failed- not to laugh harshly. "Harry, I grew up a long time ago."  
He stepped closer to her and said in almost a melancholy voice, "Ginny I don't you, do I?"  
She turned her face from the fire and looked at him with mock nonchalance. "Of course you do. I'm Virginia Weasly, called Ginny. I have red hair, brown eyes and freckles. I'm Ron's little sister."  
"And you call faeries."  
She fought the urge to roll her eyes. "And I call faeries."  
  
He caught her chin the exact same way Draco had weeks before, the only difference was in the expression; Harry was searching, Draco was confirming. Turning her face so that it caught the firelight, Harry sighed, "I wish I knew YOU, Ginny."  
  
She gently pulled her face out of his grasp, flashing him the same look she had given him in Weasly kitchen. "Harry you're tired. You should go to bed," she said.   
  
Then she gathered up her nightgown and walked up the steps to the girls' dormitories. Harry followed her with his eyes until the door of the dorms clicked shut. 'Why is it when I'm serious, she makes me feel like a five-year-old,' he thought in frustration. He ignored the 'something' in the back of his mind told him it was pay back for years of pretending she wasn't there.   
  
As he wondered up to his room he wondered whether he should tell Ron about Ginny's ability…but something, maybe the expression on her face when she had first seen him (disappointment? He thought…why?) made him decide to leave it alone.  
  
*********************  
  
Ginny went to breakfast the next morning with the silent dread of waiting for everyone to start demanding to know about her faeries. She almost skipped breakfast, but having missed dinner the night before, her stomach would not let her have her way. Almost sneaking into the Great Hall, she took a place as far from her brother and his friends as possible.   
  
Harry kept trying to catch her eye through breakfast (without alerting Ron who still got edgy every time he caught Harry looking in Ginny's general direction). She had entered the hall with a petrified look, which was thankfully ebbing as the meal continued. For whatever reason, she wanted to keep her gift a secret and Harry wanted to give her some sign that he intended to do just that.  
  
Ginny looked around cautiously relieved that no one seemed any wiser of the night's incident. Glancing in Ron's direction she caught sight of Harry who gave her a reassuring smile. Relief flooded her features and she returned to her meal with renewed vigor. She didn't notice Draco watching the whole exchange with unexplainable interest.   
  
Draco picked at his food going through a slow process of elimination. It wasn't sexual he knew. Whatever had gone between Ginny and Harry wasn't like that or else Ginny wouldn't have shown up for breakfast at all he was sure. With a start he considered the fact that Harry might have figured out about her cutting. As quickly as the thought came he brushed it aside, Harry didn't have the gumption to come up with that and Ginny would have panicked if he found out. She had avoided him ever since the day in the hall and when ever she made eye contact with him her expression reminded him of a trapped deer. 'What? Does she think I'm going to hurt her?' he wondered silently. He laughed in spite of himself…'She probably does. Or she's afraid I'll tell. Maybe she's still pretending I don't know…'  
  
Draco had been watching the youngest Weasly for longer than he bothered to keep track of. At first none of it had made sense… the Weasly's were one of the happiest families Draco had ever heard of. She was smart; she hung around, not only with the most famous people in school, but also the most popular as well. What right did she have to cut? Was it some sort of sympathy plea? It didn't make sense to him in the least so Draco had watched…watched as all the pieces fell into place.   
  
The first thing he saw was that Ginny was practically always alone. She couldn't seem to carry on a conversation with any other girl except Hermione. She wasn't a tomboy he noticed, but being raised with six brothers seemed to have left her without the ability to deal with other girls. Draco couldn't remember what she had been like in the years before, but now she seemed to mental withdraw from every situation and conversation even when she was around the Dream Team. It was like she wasn't really there when she sat with them. He had watched her in the library once surrounded by Harry, Ron and Hermione and had seen as her eyes got a glazed opaque look, like she was slowly leaving her body behind as her mind traveled to some other world…Draco almost slapped himself. 'She's a spoiled kid who can't deal with a crush she's had since first year,' he told himself angrily. But as he watched her stare blankly at her hands with that drowning look in her eyes he knew he was lying to himself. That was what scared him the most, even though he wouldn't admit it, the fact that she seemed to be drifting away and none of her so called brilliant friends seemed to the brains to catch her.   
  
Then there were other times…when she would come in from the grounds practically dancing, again lost in her own world but without that drowning expression on her face. Those days she was flushed and glowing with a sort of terrible happiness. She always avoided people then, in fact she seemed to take anyone's company as an intrusion on her personal space. What she did on those days was a mystery to him…He couldn't follow her and Ginny obviously wanted to be alone. But when she did come in, sparkling from whatever activity she engaged in she looked more alive than any person he had ever seen.   
  
He rubbed his temples in exasperation…he did NOT need this now…Not at all. Still, the more attention he paid to Ginny, the more of a mystery she became and the more compelled he felt to solve it, or to solve her. He had come to one conclusion though; caring about people was a dangerous game.   
  
The other members of the Dream Team were as clear to read as day. Ron was in love and shifted between forgetting that his sister existed and acting over protective to cover it up. He didn't mean to be completely useless, but he was still in that euphoria stage of love…It made Draco sick to watch him. Then there was Hermione who had much the same dilemma Ron did…she always smoothed out fights between Ginny, Harry and Ron but was too caught up in her own romance to be a bosom buddy to a skinny sixth year student. And then there was Harry…Draco sighed deeply and began to tap his fingers impatiently on the long table. No one had the ability to set off his temper like Harry did. Couldn't the git make up his mind? Harry seemed to shift between not noticing her and trying to catch her and the inconsistency made Draco crazy. He couldn't figure out if Harry liked Ginny or just wanted her or was just bored and he was beginning to have doubts on whether Harry knew himself.   
  
It shouldn't matter he thought. It DIDN'T matter he insisted in his head. He looked at Ginny as she got up from the table pushing the ever-flowing red hair out of her eyes. As she made her way to the door with that same damn lost look in her eyes, Draco noticed the Crabbe was heading straight for her. He watched as Crabbe tripped her up sending her colliding into some other Slytherin sloshing food all over the floor. As Crabbe bellow, "Watch where you're going Weasely!" Draco cursed mentally to himself. Her fingers were flexing again.   
  
**************************************************************************************  
  
'It's getting worse,' thought Ginny as she sat on the dormitory floor, carefully wiping a sponge over her thigh. It was Saturday evening and everyone was at Hogsmeade for the weekend. She had opted to stay in and the result had been a trail of hair thin cuts over her thigh. She winced slightly as she ran her fingers over the cuts comparing them to the scars on her arms. As Ginny let the light catch on her hands and watched as it reflected off the tiny silver scars.   
  
She tried to avoid blading her hands and leave that for when she was too tired or upset to find a different patch of skin. She had almost ruined a session in her Transfigurations course because her hands hurt too much to hold her wand properly. The skin over her thighs was very sensitive and hurt a great deal when it ran against the cold silver edge, which was a good thing she told herself. Her blade however was getting dull and she had had to hack away at her thigh before the pain made her mind spin and overtook the bitter ache inside her. She made a mental note to put a sharpening charm on it. But all this didn't erase that fact that her cutting moments were increasing. At the beginning of the school year she cut maybe once every two weeks, and now, three weeks before Christmas, it had become twice and thrice a week. Her knife, once kept at the bottom of her trunk was now kept at the bottom of her boot heal. Her forbearance seemed to decrease with time, or rather cutting had become easier than dealing with problems. It frightened her how quickly she reached for her blade… and yet the idea of giving up cutting frightened her even more.   
  
It seemed the more she cut the more she withdrew from everyone around her, of course the isolation only made her cut more so it worked in a sort of viscous cycle that left her feeling weak and helpless. There were times when Hermione would ask her what the matter was, or Harry would ask if something was wrong and she wanted to tell them so much it hurt…but then the old fears and insecurities would arise. What would they think? What would they say? In her heart she knew they would never understand. No one could…  
  
Ginny pulled her robes down over her red swollen thigh. No one could possible realize how important it was that she blade. That it was what kept her going, what kept her alive…alive. That's what Draco had said, she remembered suddenly. 'Sometimes you even bleed to keep yourself alive. What had he meant by that? With a shiver she thought about the possibility that had been bothering her for some time now, that he somehow knew. 'But no,' she thought 'He couldn't, could he? Even if he suspected, he hadn't seen her scars… You couldn't see them unless you were looking for them; it wasn't like something you caught out of the corner of your eye. And he hadn't been looking for scars when he had grabbed her arm, who would? Besides she rationed if he had known or even suspected he would have told the whole school…and would have had a blast doing it and he hadn't so that meant…? Her head began to throb. She did NOT need this now…not at all.   
  
Ginny carefully picked up her things off the dorm floor as she heard voices of the incoming Gryffindors, back from their trip to Hogsmeade. Several girls bustled in, hyper and chattering over the trip and were blissfully unaware of Ginny's presence or absence. A girl with wavy blonde hair turned to her and said "Gin, Hermione wants you in her dorm."  
Ginny walked into the seventh years dorm which seemed abuzz with some news.   
  
"…And they say she got drunk and then actually went to bed with him!" giggled Lavender.  
  
"What a stupid thing to do, I used to think she was nice but that is sick," murmured Parviti throwing down her bags.  
"And Goyle of all people. She must have been desperate," said some one else.   
  
Ginny wondered briefly who they were talking about until she heard Hermione over the chatter, growling, "You guys don't know what happened. Stop spreading rumors about stuff you don't know about."  
"Well we heard--"  
"Whatever you heard, you don't know if it's true. I don't want to hear about. Not in front of me. As far as I'm concerned Michele hasn't done a thing. Alright?" There were times when you didn't argue with Hermione, this was one of them.   
  
Ginny pondered the conversation as she went slowly over the Hermione… Michele was a sweet blonde girl from Huffelpuff. Why would anyone want to spread rumors about her?  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted by Hermione tapping her gently on the shoulder. "Ron wants you down in the common room," she said smiling. Hermione winked playfully and shooed her out of the door.   
  
Ginny walked down the stairs, only to see Ron pacing back and forth looking very nervous. She smiled at him as he caught sight of her and beckoned her to sit down.   
  
"Hey, Ginny Winny, you didn't come out with us today," he said playfully, still clearly nervous.  
  
"I was tired," she said. It was her excuse for practically everything those days.   
  
"Yeah, well, you seemed to be tired a lot of the time," said Ron with a hint of concern in his eyes. He cleared his throat and rubbed his noise furiously. Ginny grinned, any moment now he would start turning pink at the ears.  
  
"The thing is Gin, I know I have been kind of, well, a jerk these days…I'm either ignoring you or being---well, being a little, what was it Mione said? -er, over protective?" he looked down at her and was encouraged by the slight smile on her face.  
  
"You see, Ever since-well ever since me and Herm-that is Mione and I, well you know, got together (he was now turning pink at the ears) things have been a bit up side down for me. Everybody says that its just because we hang about together so much and because Harry liked Cho, that we got together. I know everyone thinks that the moment we leave school it will all end between us. And--and that its just hormones with me…and I don't know. But the thing is I really really think I love her. I mean when she's gone, I'm not just bored or even just miss her, I feel like a piece of me's not there and that's got to be more than hormones, don't you think?" Ginny nodded. "But that's not what I wanted to talk about. You see I know I've been neglecting you shamefully. I mean I AM your big brother I SHOULD take care of you…it's just well…sometimes I'm afraid it will end between me and Mione, I mean Mione and I-- and that tears me all up inside. I mean lets face it, I'm not the best looking chap in school,"   
  
"Oh, you're not so bad, big brother, now that you're not so wiry," interrupted Ginny smiling.  
  
"Thanks. And I don't study nearly enough, and when I get angry or nervous I say the stupidest things in the world…anyone with half a brain would have left me ages ago, which doesn't make sense since Hermi's got to be the brainiest person in the whole school… And well all in all the whole thing distracts me a bit." He took a deep breath and continued. "So to make up for it I sort of over react around you so that you know I care and that I'm not just, you know, blowing you off. But I have been -informed-that my methods can sort of drive you a little nuts, which is okay, but they can also make you kind of sad, which is not. " He had stopped pacing and was now standing in front of the fire place shifted nervously form one foot to the next.   
  
"Which brings me to the point of my little heart to heart with you. The thing is I want to try and make up for the crummy start of the year so I bought you these." He handed her a pair of fine dragon skin gloves. "Someone told me your old ones tore, which isn't surprising since they were George's, and I thought I'd get you knew ones for Christmas. But I wanted to do this now so that you wouldn't be sulky come the holidays and you'd forgive your old ogre of a brother for being a prat."  
  
Ginny took the gift from feeling a wonderful warmth in chest that she thought she would never feel again. Then on impulse, ignoring the pain in her thigh, she jumped up and hugged him. She had forgotten how good a hug could feel. He squeezed her for a moment before setting her down gently on the floor.   
  
"You like them then?" he said a bit shyly.   
  
"You can be a wonderful brother when you try, Ron," she said pinching his nose playfully. "And you know what? People who think you and Hermione are just hormones, don't know love when it stares them in the face."  
Ron's face split into a wide grin. "You think?" he asked excitedly  
"I know," she said as she turned to return to the dorm.   
  
Ginny sighed contently. Maybe things could get better after all.   
  
  
Two days later at dinner Professor Dumbledore caught everyone's attention by announcing that the Yule Ball was to held once again during the Christmas holidays. "A costume party so that everyone can relax a little before the new term," he had said. The news didn't effect Ginny in the least; she had not been to the Yule since her third year and no intention of going now. Harry however had other plans.   
  
As soon as the announcement was made Harry was determined to take Ginny to the dance. Ever since the night in the common room when he had seen her surrounded by fire sprites, Harry had been determined catch her alone sometime. Unfortunately fate and Ron seemed against him. Ginny was as reclusive as ever somehow he always just missed spending time with her. 'But not this time,' he thought. He would ask her out and everything would finally fall into place.  
  
Harry cornered her in the library the next afternoon. "Ginny where have you been lately? It's easier to catch a butterfly then get a mintue alone with you."  
Ginny shifted uncomfortably, "I was up in the owlery…I like it there. It's quiet except for the birds."  
"Oh, I never would have thought to look for you there. Anyways, I need to ask you something… has Neville asked you to the ball yet?" Ginny blinked in surprise and slowly said, "N-No, why should he have?"  
  
"He shouldn't have. Because I'm asking you. Will you come with me?" He flashed her a hopeful smile.  
  
Ginny swallowed, as her throat felt suddenly dry. She wanted to say no, to say she wouldn't go with anyone, but the tiny part of her that still insisted on seeing Harry as the heroic knight in shining armor wouldn't let her. It was one dance, she reasoned it couldn't hurt. "If you like," she said finally.   
  
"Great!" exclaimed Harry as he rubbed he knuckles against her chin before turning to walk towards Ron and Hermione.   
  
Draco watched her as she walked almost dazed out of the library, from his position against the wall and fought the urge to groan. It wasn't like he was planning on asking her, but still…he supposed it didn't matter. Perhaps Harry did liked Ginny, and even if she was over her initial crush she probably wouldn't mind going with him, finding out that he liked her wouldn't hurt either. Still he hoped Harry didn't screw it up.   
  
  
Harry felt great. Things were finally working out his way. He smiled as he remembered just how beautiful and alive Ginny had looked that night in the common room. Yes this was going to go wonderfully. The sky was blue, it was a beautiful day…Nothing could go wrong.   
  
"Did you ask my sister to the Yule Ball, Harry?"   
Suddenly Ron loomed before him and Harry tried not to gulp. He had forgotten that one catch…   
"Yeah…it should be fun," said Harry hoping his face didn't betray how nervous he was.   
  
Ron let out a deep sigh and folded his arms across his chest. Harry wondered when the skinny red head had become six feet and gotten so damn broad across the shoulders…he wonder also if that right arm that was balling into a fist was as dangerous as it seemed.   
  
"Harry, what's going on?"  
Harry raised his eyes in mock innocence… maybe it would work.   
  
"Don't give me that mock innocent look, Harry what the HELL is you problem? You ignored her for years and when she finally gets over you, you suddenly have this unconfined interest in her? Come ON Harry! What sort of prat are you?"  
  
"Why do you always assume that I'm taking Ginny for a ride? Did it ever occur to you that I just might actually like her?"  
  
Ron raised an eyebrow skeptically, "Well do you?"  
Harry gulped. "I-I…would like to find out. If I could just spend more than three minutes with her with out you trying to kill me..."  
  
Ron's fists began to ball up. "Let me get this straight," he said "You want to take my sister out…so you can DECIDE if you like her? I suppose I should be pleased." He growled sarcastically. "Look Harry you're not thinking straight. You lead her on to decide to maybe break her heart…I can't have that. I don't want her hurt!"  
  
"Ron, its just one dance!"  
"Harry she's not just some girl! Did you think what it would do to her if you got up and left her after a few hours? Did you? NO! because guys like you don't think!"  
  
Harry began to feel a horrible sinking feeling in his stomach. What if Ron was right? The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her…"Look Ron, I already asked her. Wouldn't it hurt her more if I broke it off now?"  
  
Ron rubbed his forehead mumbling, "I'll take care of that. Just fix it …and Harry? STAY away from my sister. Use someone else to experiment on."  
  
Harry watched as Ron stalked off. 'Damn!' he thought furiously as he made his way to the common room. 'Why does Ron have to ruin everything!?'   
  
He thought of Ginny, of her tiny body and her soft smile, of the way she always seemed wrapped up in a world of her own…He wanted her, to knew what went on her mind…unfortunately everyone else seemed against it. As he thought of Ginny he remembered the little girl he had saved from Voldemort all those years ago…what would she think when he told he couldn't go with her?  
  
Ginny sat in the owlery tower for the first time without a knife. She had come up to think about the way things were working out. Harry had asked her out and she should have been thrilled. A part of her, the piece that had always ached when he hadn't noticed her all those years, was. But she in her self was almost disappointed. Harry had finally asked her, but he had waited until the beautiful spell of childhood love had been broken. Even the tiny shards of her that remember what it felt like to worship him from afar knew that in the Harry was just a boy like any other. Special as all people are special but not the perfect person she had made him to be in her youth. The disillusionment was a as much a relief as a disappointment, but she wished she could just put it behind her like an over used sweater…and here he was insisting that he needed to know her.   
  
'You wish you knew me Harry?' she thought silently as the uneven light of the tower filtered through on her face. 'If you knew me, really knew me, you wouldn't know what to do with me…' Her thoughts raced through her mind like dandilion fluff in the wind, as her fingers traced over the near invisible scars that latticed her arms like ivy vines. 'If you knew me you'd think I was some sort of creature that you didn't understand…or you'd pity me. Poor little Ginny who needs a blade to survive.' She shuddered at the mental picture forming in her mind. No Harry was NEVER going to find out if she could help it…Her mind shifted over to Draco. "No he doesn't know!' she insisted to hereself, whatever he had said or meant, it didn't matter. The point was he didn't know, he couldn't know.   
  
Ginny could feel a headache coming on. It was better not to think about things like this…better to let them sort themselves out. She stood up slowly and brushed the feathers off her lap. She smiled ruely to herself, after all for the next two weeks she had a dance to prepare for…there was soemthing to be said for that.  
  
******************  
  
For two days Harry avoided Ginny at all costs, but by the third day Ron was threatening to dislocate his shoulder if he didn't deal with things. So when Harry found her sitting in the window-seat of the library, he took the opportunity to finally speak to her. Harry couldn't justify to himself the feeling of dread that clung to him or the bitter taste that was in his mouth as he made his way over to her.  
  
"Ginny," he said shakily "We need to talk."  
It was more the tone of his voice than his words that made her look up in surprise and shut the Potions book that was opened in her lap. Rearranging her feet so that he could sit next to her, Ginny signaled for him to continue.  
  
Harry began to nervously rake his fingers through his hair making it stick up on end. "I have been thinking about the dance…and after I -well thought about it-it didn't seem like such a good idea. I mean you and me…going to together." Harry knew that whatever he had said it had come out completely wrong.   
  
Ginny felt herself grow very very pale. "What do mean? You don't want to go with me?"  
  
"No! No it's not that…it's just…well you're-and I…You're my best friend's little sister. It just doesn't seem right."  
  
Ginny's eyes narrowed. "Do want to go with some one else?"  
  
"NO! Really it isn't that! Its just things right now between us are---are fine and I don't want to…complicate them." Harry wondered if his words sounded as awful to her as they did to him.  
  
Ginny's face contorted into this pain expression as she said with icy cool, "Oh I see. Your afraid I'm going to suddenly take this as a declaration of true love from you and start waiting around for us to get married. Is that it?!"  
  
Harry groaned and rubbed his eyes furiously, "Lord, Ginny that's not what I meant…I just didn't want to give the wrong impression and then hurt you, I mean you're my best friend's sister for Merlin's sake!"  
  
Suddenly it all snapped into a horribly clear picture. Practically laugh Ginny flashed him a broken smile and said, "Ron, put you up to this didn't he? He gets word that you ask me out and then he thinks 'oh Harry's going to go break her heart, better save her again.' And you believe him, because after all I'm just that scared little girl who was taken over by Voldemort when she was eleven, aren't I?! That's right if Harry doesn't love me I guess I'll just have to throw myself off the owlry tower, because I can't take it…" Ginny stopped out of breath and stared at the beautiful gloves Ron had given her just a few days before, that covered her scarred hands. Her brother could be so sweet and so pig headed at the same time…WHY would he refuse to see that she wasn't a child anymore?   
  
Harry shook his head in horror of what he had done. He had never seen her so hurt since the day he had meant her. Her face was deathly pale and her gloved hands trembled in her lap. Suddenly he realized that he had made the biggest mistake off his life.   
  
"Look Gin, I'm sorry. This was a stupid idea and I should have just ignored Ron, but I just didn't want to hurt you…Please Ginny don't look like that."  
  
Then as if on queue her all the anger and pain in her face disappeared like water down a drain and she got the most tranquil look on her face he had ever seen. She turned to him and said in voice he couldn't place, "Harry it doesn't matter. I'm over reacting and I'm sorry. I didn't even want to go to the Ball. Please don't think a thing about it. I'm not really upset, just surprised. It is better this way, really."  
  
"Ginny, I never meant to hurt you…"  
  
"You didn't Harry, really," she said standing up and gather her books. She turned around and smiled that cool, tranquil smile that made the ache in his stomach relax. "I'm sure it will work out better this way," she said. And for a moment, looking into the smile on her face, Harry believed her.   
If Draco had seen her expression, it would have sent chills down to the bottom of his soul.   
  
As soon as she left the library Ginny, felt herself swimming in emotion. She pushed blindly through the crowd of students changing classes, feeling nothing except for the bitter acid ache in her chest and the painful, throbbing dryness of her eyes. It was one of those moments when she wished to God she could cry but her eyes wouldn't obey. Instead with every step she could feel the handle of her blade press into the sole of her boot. What class did she have? She couldn't remember, but she wasn't attending. She just needed a room, or the owlery tower, anywhere where she could relieve the pressure…  
  
"Ginny!" a hand caught her upper arm and pulled out of the crowd to the side of the corridor. "Ginny, hi! I've been trying to find you all day."  
  
Ginny fought for mental control so that her eyes could focus on the person in front of her. "Colin?" she asked bewildered "Do you need something?"  
  
He looked sheepishly for a minute and then began to shuffle back and forth on his feet. "I was wondering if…if you wanted to go to the Yule ball with me?"  
  
Ginny tried to collect her wits about, because she was sure she hadn't heard him correctly. Colin was in love with Amada Peterson, a girl who sat with them in class. He had never shown the slightest interest in her. And here he was in front of her asking her to the dance that she was being to hate more than Voldemort.   
  
Her eyes narrowed. "Did Ron put you up to this?"  
  
"NO! I just thought it would be fun…I mean we've always been friends…"  
  
The toss of his hair, the flash his eyes and width of his smile told Ginny plain as day that he was lying. Damn, big brother had taken care of all the loose ends hadn't he? She thought bitterly. Colin would do anything for Harry including get him out of a unwanted date…Ginny felt her stomach twist painfully inside her. Right now he was going on about what fun they would have together…All she wanted him to do was to stop talking...   
  
"Fine, sure, I'll go with you," she heard herself saying.  
  
"Great, I'll see you around. Umm Ginny, we have Charms, aren't you coming?"   
  
"I'll be right there," she lied.   
  
Then he turned around to leave…and as he turned she caught his smirk. The 'I fooled the little girl, and got away with it' smirk. And suddenly all the pain swirling inside her changed into hot white rage. She had often wondered what would have to happen for her temper to finally snap. Well this was it. She spun around on her heals and ran blindly to the common room.   
  
The fourth, six and seventh years had classes so the sixth year dorms where empty, as Ginny entered, her once neat bun now wisping everywhere, her hands flexing dangerously.   
  
Pale and shaky she stared blankly at herself in the mirror turning her blade over in her hands. She was so ANGRY. At Ron, at Harry, at Colin…at all of them. So angry she barely felt the blade cut through her skin. She didn't notice the shapes that were appearing in tin red lines over her pale arms as she cut through old scars. She had to make them see her for what she was. 'And what am I?' She thought bitterly, 'A mixed up girl, who at sixteen can't find a single person who has a clue on what's going on in her life.'  
  
She remembered the look on Colin's face as he asked her to go with him to Ball, that self-sacrificing gleam that lay hidden in his eyes. Her hands clawed up like a raven's talons as she saw his expression in her mind's eye, revealing a tiny depression in her hand just between her thumb and her wrist. With out thinking she let her knife cut through the skin over the depression…and suddenly felt a very warm sensation spread over her. Looking quickly at her hand she realized she was bleeding, not in tiny little trails, but really bleeding! Startled she rushed to bathroom to wash off her skin, amazed by the amount of blood that was gushing out of her hand.   
  
Shaking, she tied a piece of cloth around her wrist while sponging off the rest of the blood with her robes. Slowly the bleeding stopped and she felt herself collapse in surrender on the bathroom floor.   
  
She wasn't sure how long she lay there, waiting and wishing for the tears to come. But they didn't, they never did and she was left with an incredible rock pressing down on her with no relief. Slowly she sat up and walked into the dorms, looking at the clock. Great, another ten minutes and they would all be swarming back to the dorms. She looked cautiously at her hand. 'What happened?' she thought, tracing over the line of dried blood. 'Must have hit a vessel…' she concluded. It frightened her a little that she had hurt herself beyond the tiny scars she was used to. She would have to be more careful next time. "Next time…always next time," she murmured.   
  
Sitting down in front of the mirror she looked at herself. Her hair was half fallen down anyway, so she undid it and let the cherry mane reach down to her waist. Ginny surveyed herself with a critical eye from her fringe that fell almost to her nose, to the freckles splattered across her cheeks. She wasn't entirely ugly…She would never be beautiful like Lavender Brown, but with a little help…And suddenly it came to her. She was witch going to a witch's ball. And damned it she didn't do her best be a beautiful as a freckled redhead could be. Damned if she didn't make them all realize she wasn't twelve and make Ron spit fire with anger when she showed up on the dance floor. Damned if she didn't make Colin wish he'd loved her. Putting her knife aside she began to plan very carefully just how she was going to enjoy the dance this year in spite of her natural dread for being around people, in crowded places. She'd be belle of the ball for one bloody night…even if it killed her.   
  
AN: Well, those of you who are hoping that she'll turn into this beautiful princess for the ball and everyone will see her and fall in love…don't bet on it. I promise that the next chapter WILL be the end. And NO she will not commit suicide (why are Ginny suicides so popular these days?). I do know how this will end…and well, I hope you guys like it.   
Special thanks to, Grace: Thanx for the concern and Yes I am fine, though if you read the next chapter I'll be speaking through Draco. Btw your two cents are NOT worthless   
  
Kiara: Ginny burned the palm of her hand, which doesn't scar when you cut it especially if you just cut over the natural creases in your skin. Even if Snape had looked closely at her hand he wouldn't have seen anything. Besides this IS Snape we are talking about. I like it when people notice stuff like that though  
  
Angelwriter: Love your Bio Pic.   
  



	5. Falling Apart

Disclaimer: Coming on to the fifth chapter and surprise surprise I still don't own any of the Characters. Yes Ms. Rowling they're all yours so please don't sue me unless you really want my Raggity Anne doll.  
  
  
AN: Okay this is the end. No more voting from here onward. I unfortunately know I can't please everyone, but I hope the majority of you will like this. I divided this into two parts because it ran on longer than I thought it would. And sorry this took so long, with finals and all, my mom literally banned me from the computer. Yeah a note about the story: I'm assuming that they generally keep their wands with them at all times. And I used the luminous charm in this, but I think I spelled it wrong, sorry.   
  
BORG: If you're still reading this, then I'm sorry you didn't like the story, but if you think my writing's bad, trust me my knitting is worse. Find me another hobby to keep my hands busy and I promise I'll stop writing. Okay?   
  
Thanks to all who reviewed, I hope you enjoy this. PLEASE READ THE A/N AT THE BOTTOM.   
  
  
Now All the Stars have Fallen  
  
  
Draco cursed as he pricked his finger for the umpteenth time on the Spinorkia plant he was pruning. Sucking his finger diligently he contemplated getting Professor Sprout fired for good. She had given him detention because he hadn't bothered to do his assignment and list the two hundred uses Wortbane's vines. When she had demanded that he give a reason for not fulfilling his work he had said, "The only use I could find was tormenting students with pointless information that fat teachers think is useful!" Hence he was squatting in the dirt, pruning two hundred of the thorniest plants in her green house, alternating between cursing Sprout to Kingdom Come and ruing the day he had noticed Ginny Weasly. This was all her fault after all.   
  
He had heard about her visit to Madam Pomfrey the day before. Pansy had seen her in the infirmary when she had gone to take care of some warts on her hands. She had heard as Madam Pomfrey told Ginny that she had come too late to prevent the wound on her hand from scarring. Pansy listened as Ginny said she had cut herself trying to repair an old robe. Of course Pansy had thought the idea of Ginny hurting herself in an attempt to fix the unfixable robes of her six older brothers was hilarious. When she related the tale to Draco, his stomach contorted painfully and he had had to laugh hard to keep his worry hidden. That night, not only had he done no work, but sleep had also not been possibility. All he could do was wonder what had pushed Ginny to take a knife to herself again and pray that the injury she had received was due to carelessness and not willful destruction.   
  
'Not that that's any better,' he thought resentfully 'It all comes down to the same thing. She's getting worse and if someone doesn't do something soon, things will get ugly.'  
  
Hacking away at the Spinorkia he contemplated his options. He was tempted tell someone: Ron, Harry, anyone. But then when he thought about their inability to even see something was wrong with her, he brushed the thought away. Of course he could always talk to her…  
  
'No, damn it! I'm not some bloody hero! Harry is the one who's supposed be off saving the world, rescuing damsels in distress.'  
  
But then Ginny wasn't a damsel in distress. She was a girl couldn't see any other way to deal with her pain than with a blade. And he couldn't let her keep doing it. He winced again this time due to his thoughts and not the thorns on the damn plant he was stuck pruning.   
  
Was concern for someone always this much of a heartache? If so he had new respect for Ron and Hermione. Lord knew it was easier not to give a damn. MUCH easier. He however, didn't seem to have a choice.   
  
Just then a sound made him turn around. He almost groaned out loud. Ginny was making her way through the plants, pushing silently between the leaves and branches of the miniature jungle. For one moment he thought she had come to cut, but seeing her hands relaxed he settled back in his corner to watch her. She was walking up and down the flowerbeds brushing the tips of the petals with her fingers, stopping at the irises and tulips. She seemed to be biding her time until she reached the herbs. Then she leaned over and began to collect samples.  
  
'Probably something for Potions, or Herbology,' he thought. She kept glancing over to the flowerbeds as if debating something…but she seemed to rule against what ever it was. Maybe she was looking for something for her dance costume. The Dance…just thinking about it made him cringe. He had heard that Ginny was going to the ball with Colin Creavy and knowing that Harry had asked her first, it didn't take him long to guess that somehow Harry had broken off his date with her. He had had to use incredible self-restraint not to go over and punch Harry's face in. In fact the more he thought about the ball the more it seemed prone to disaster. Draco had not intended on going at all but now he felt obligated to… He admired the spunk it took for Ginny to still go after the stunt Harry pulled, but it didn't change the fact that he wanted to be there to make sure nothing would send her after her blade that evening. Just incase. Draco grimaced in self-disgust, why the hell did it have to matter so much he wondered?   
  
******************************************************************************  
  
Ginny arranged the samples she was collecting for Potions class, blissfully unaware that she was being watched. Her mind was on the flowers and whether they contained faeries like the wild ones did. She was tempted to call them to feel the rush and splendor of that magical world…but she had classes and she knew that she wouldn't be able to concentrate if she called her tiny beings to her. One thing was for sure; she couldn't afford to fool around in anymore classes. After missing charms that day and plenty of classes in which her mind had not been in, she knew that her grades were going to suffer. Then there was the ball. She had very little time and a great deal of work to do. She just had to make sure she didn't loose her nerve…   
  
**************************************************************************  
  
Harry stared out at the Quiddtich field that was now blanketed in a thin layer of snow. Right then he would have killed for a chance to play, just for the distraction. Everything had worked out well all in all…Ron was happy, Ginny was going with Colin, He was going with Parviti Patil (she did seem to always be the one who filled in his unscheduled dates) and everyone was pleased.   
  
'So why does everything feel ten degrees off?' he wondered as his breath made steamy patterns on the window. Sighing he continued to watch the snowfall, until a tap on his shoulder made him jump.  
  
"Dreaming of Quidditch?" asked Hermione laughing as she struggled to balance the stack of books under her arm. Harry took half of the books from her as they both made their way to the common sofa. Flopping down next to her he idly began to arrange the books according to size while she told him about the episode Ron had had with Snape that afternoon.   
  
"…And he said, 'How was I supposed to know that scales on a dragon's tail were different from the ones on a dragon's nose?!' and Snape gives him this nasty -well Snapish- look and says 'Maybe if you bothered to read the lesson you would know what was going on in class! Ten points from Gryffindor! And Ron's turning all red in the face and he says…Harry? Harry?"  
  
Harry jumped, startled and looked at Hermione sheepishly, "Sorry… You were saying, err Snape noticed Ron's potion was green instead of blue?"  
  
Hermione snorted, "Yeah, about five minutes ago. Actually I had reached right up to before Ron got detention…So what are you thinking about?"  
  
Harry rubbed the back of his head shamefacedly and said, "Just thinking about the ball is all."  
"Real excited to be going with Parviti?" asked Hermione slyly.  
  
Harry scowled at her and turned to pick at the lint on the chair. "NO…listen did Ron tell you about Ginny?"  
  
Hermione's smile faded and she took on a rather stern expression, "Yes, he did. Surely you heard the big row we had in corridor about it."  
  
"Do you think I did the right thing? I mean not going with her?" asked Harry reluctantly looking Hermione in the eye.   
  
Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Honestly? No. I think you should have told Ron that Ginny is a big girl and that the sooner he realizes that the better."  
  
"But what if I had hurt her feelings?"  
  
"Harry, she's sixteen! Give her a little credit! She's a lot tougher than you guys think."  
  
Harry glared at the increasing pile of lint he was collecting. "I really screwed up this time didn't I?"  
  
Hermione folded her arms across her chest. "Yeah, both of you did. Big time." She glanced over to him and took in his miserable expression, then softened a bit. "Look, what's done is done. If it makes you feel better it seems to have all worked out. Ginny doesn't look or act upset…she's even been kind of springy these days. Have you noticed that she's eating more? She used to skip either breakfast or dinner everyday, but now she there for all three meals. I was getting kind of worried about her, but she's seems-I don't know-happier now. Maybe this ball was just what she needed."  
  
"Yeah, maybe…" said Harry unconvinced. Everything still felt ten degrees off balance.  
  
Harry watched as Hermione opened one of her Advanced Arithmacy books and began to read while she toyed absently with the locket Ron had given her for her birthday. Suddenly Harry asked, "When did you know you were in love with Ron?"  
  
  
Hermione looked up at him surprised. "Hmm?"  
  
"When did you know, I mean really know, that you were in love with Ron? Was it all the blushing and heart pounding, and the hot and cold spells?"  
  
Hermione blinked and began to think back over the span of the last two years. "No…it wasn't those things. I used to blush when I had a crush on Professor Lockhart, and Lord knows I wasn't in love with him. I think I really knew I was in love when he got sick in sixth year and we where having our finals. Suddenly finals, MY finals, didn't mean anything; they stopped seeming important, because he wasn't there to make fun of my studying habits."   
  
Harry chuckled softly, he remembered that year well. He himself had been worried sick but Hermione had been positively frantic.   
  
"When did you know that he loved you?" he asked.  
  
Hermione closed the Arithmacy book, she was obviously not going to get anything done right then, and thought back over her relationship with Ron. "I think the fist time I knew, would have been at the last Yule Ball when he gave me those white lilies."  
Harry cocked a bewildered eye.  
  
"See everybody gets girls flowers, you know roses and stuff. But Ron got me white lilies. You know why?"  
Harry shook his head, no.  
  
"Because he figured out they were my favorite flowers. I mean we both know Ron isn't the most observant guy in the world, but he knew. I hadn't told anyone, because I thought it was too girly, not even Ginny. But he watched me and noticed enough about me that he found out. And I thought, anybody who could find that out had to be in love…It was one of the best days in my life."  
  
Harry scratched his head in wonder. "I never would have thought of that."  
  
"It's not something you think about, or even plan…it just happens, when your back is turned. Now, that's enough philosophical romance for one sitting. Get your Arithmacy book out and study…I KNOW you haven't touched your books all day."  
  
Harry welcomed the work with relief…Arithmacy was simple, factual and neat. It made much more sense than love ever would.   
  
*************  
  
Ginny sat on her bed arranging the forget-me-nots out on her pillow. She had 'borrowed' them from Professor Sprout's green house and now she was enchanting them with an everlast charm so that they wouldn't fade before the ball.   
  
The closer the day approached, the more nervous she got as her mind spun with all the possible things that could go wrong.  
'I'm just going to enjoy myself,' she thought as she gathered up the flowers and began to pull out the periwinkle cloth for her dress. 'I'm going to prove that I'm not a child and not invisible and that's all. Nothing to it. It will be a snap.'  
  
But the truth of the matter was that years of social withdrawal had taken their toll on her and she knew in her heart of hearts that the sooner the dance was over the better.  
  
At first she had panicked when she went through her wardrobe and found she had nothing even remotely suitable to wear. She couldn't afford new robes and didn't have the time to make them and she had considered just calling the whole thing off. Amanda Peterson had saved her by showing off the gown she was going to wear to the ball three days earlier.   
  
"That isn't a robe," Ginny had said when Amanda put on the pink long sleeved ball gown.   
"I know, it's a Muggle dress my mother bought me. Isn't it grand?  
"But you can't wear that to a wizard ball!" said Ginny  
"Professor Dumbledore said it was costume party…we can wear what ever we want," Amanda insisted.   
  
Ginny looked at the dress and had to admit that is was pretty. More importantly it required a great less amount of fabric than robes did a lot less sewing work. If she could find a simple one to copy…  
  
Amanda had been very sweet about it; she even offered to let Ginny borrow something of hers as she had plenty of dress with her. Ginny declined, saying the clothes wouldn't fit anyway as Amanda was both taller and bustier than Ginny but after looking through the clothing she found a fairly simple one she thought she could copy in the amount of time she had.   
  
That weekend Ginny surprised the gang by saying she wanted to go to Hogsmeade with everyone else. Hermione was delighted, saying Ginny needed to get out more and she needed to hang around with other girls. The end result was Ginny getting swoop off her feet in a Hogsmeade shopping spree.   
  
Before she bought anything, though Ginny detoured into a small art shop. Though she was reluctant to give them up she knew it was the only way she was going to get any money and so she sold her faerie sketches for a reasonable price. Taking the money she had earned she made her way to the other girls, hoping it would be enough for all she needed.   
  
Now sitting on her bed, she began to carefully cut out the light blue fabric and with her wand in hand she started the process of producing a new dress.   
  
********************************************************************************  
  
The night of the dance Ginny sat in front of her mirror terrified. All day the frenzy had carried on, girls racing in and out, trying on this robe and magicing that costume. The dormitory was littered with makeup, perfume and hair equipment; and the noise was superhuman. Ginny felt a daze similar to the one she felt on the last day of school in her fifth year. With a petrified look on her face she slowly wandered down the stairs to the common room where the hustle had calmed some.   
  
Standing unseen in the doorway, she saw Ron with his arms wrapped around Hermione's waist whispering something in her ear that made her blush and giggle. Harry was giving roses to Parviti and Colin kept telling Amanda that she was the prettiest thing he had seen all evening.  
  
Something about the sight of them, all happy and content, blissfully oblivious of the havoc they had wrought upon her world made her previous anger come to a startling boil.   
  
'I will NOT back out of this!' she thought furiously as she ran back up the stairs. Throwing herself once again in front of the mirror she shook down her hair from its haphazard bun and examined it against her face. It was pretty, if you liked coppery hair, but too long to complement her small face. With grim determination she took a pair of scissors and her wand and began to hack away. She didn't cut off all the initial length but layered it so that the top half hung around her chin and cascaded longer as it went down. 'Much better,' she thought as she brushed off the cut hairs and magiced them out of her way.  
  
Pulling off her robes she put on her dress, pleased to see it fit in the right places. It was simple enough with a full skirt and a corset bodice that crisscrossed up the front in blue ribbons. The dress was sleeveless, as the four yards of fabric had depleted before sleeves could be made and the effect was cool and pretty on her slender body. At first she had worried endlessly over her scars, but finally she decided that the scabs from her last cutting session had already come off and her arms were very pale due to the fact that she always wore long sleeves and gloves. She spun around experimentally in front of the mirror; the dress was fitted but not choking and the filmy material hung well over her small, but not un-proportioned figure. Whispering a quick charm she smiled as the material gained a sparkling quality that added to the ambiance of her appearance.  
  
Unsatisfied with her hair Ginny braided up the top half with forget-me-not's and blue ribbons leaving only tendrils of red locks down the caress her forehead and cheeks. Moving on she sat down to decide what to do with her face.   
  
She was still terrified, but willpower and anger battled with her terror until she pushed it down, drowning it in her subconscious. The result was an adrenaline rush that made her flushed and sparkled, and practically giddy with anxiety and anticipation. She didn't need blush, and a week of force-feeding herself at every meal had made her cheeks lose the somewhat sunken look they had had before. A few charms later, her eyes and lips were to her satisfaction and taking the shawl she had made from the lining of one of her old robes she was almost ready to go.   
  
Shoes had been a problem from the start, as she had nothing fancy and couldn't afford new ones, even with the money from her sketches. Finally she took a pair of old slippers and the leftover scraps from her dress and with some magic and a lot of needlework fashioned them into a pair of dancing slippers. That was all she needed she thought, because tonight she was going to dance until she dropped.   
  
As she flew down the stairs, she was practically dancing already, for with each step she felt her conscious mind slip lower and lower under the choppy waves of the surface. Ginny didn't want to think tonight…she just wanted to dance and dance and dance…   
  
***************************************************************************   
  
Colin was getting impatient. It was bad enough that Amanda was going to the dance with Justin Finch-Fletchley from Hufflepuff and he was stuck babysitting Ron's little sister, but to top it all she was running late as well. He stood up and began pacing the common room floor.   
  
"Where is she anyways?" he thought, annoyed at the lateness of the hour. He was sure the music was starting…  
  
"Colin are you still there?" Ginny called lightly as she tripped down the stairs.  
  
"Ginny, where are you? We're going to be- Ginny?" He stopped short as she came in view. Colin blinked twice and said, "Lord, Gin, I hardly recognized you! You look lovely!"  
  
Ginny gave a high sweet laugh. "Oh come now, no one with as many freckles as I do can be termed lovely. We both know you think Amanda is the prettiest thing you've ever seen!"  
  
"I-I mean-"  
  
But she stopped him with a kiss on the cheek and said, "Thank you for being a dear and waiting for me."  
  
Colin tried to stutter an answer but she was already spinning ahead, tilting her ear forward. "Oh, listen! I think the music's already begun. Come on we don't want to be late." And she took his arm and led him out of the room.   
  
When they entered the hall Ginny felt a wave of panic threaten to overcome her. There were so many people in the hall that it looked like a miniature festival with an array of colors and sounds. Fighting her great urge to flee she turned to Colin who was still gaping in surprise at her change in attitude and suggested they get punch first.  
  
Colin led her to the table and brought her a glass of punch while Ginny fought to steady her trembling hands. But a blessed savior came when the dance music began to play.   
  
"Colin will you dance with me?" she asked.   
"Of course," he said. This date was getting better by minute he thought, he thought.  
  
Pushing through the crowded room they made their way to the dance floor. As soon as she was there, Ginny felt the music wash over her in waves…this she understood, this she knew. Letting her conscious mind slip further, she imagined her self alone in the forest surrounded by her faeries and with that mental picture her body moved on its own accord. The faster the rhythm the better, because it required more concentration on the music and less on the people around her. She was vaguely aware that Colin was working hard to catch up with her and she could hear herself laughing as he spun her across the floor. 'I can go all night like this,' she thought. 'I don't have to feel anything…'  
  
'I wonder if being dead is like this. Watching your body while your soul slips away…NO,' she thought to herself sternly 'Don't think, just move with the music.'  
  
Ron looked over to where his sister was dancing with Colin and smiled. "See Hermione, I told you it would work out. Look how grown up she looks…I forget sometimes that she's sixteen."  
  
"Yes I'm sure she noticed that. It's about time you realized what's going on with her," said Hermione the sternness in her voice loosing affect as he tickled her neck. But neither of them could see her flushed face or glazed eyes from where they were…and even if they had they probably wouldn't have guessed the turmoil raging inside her.   
  
The first thing Harry saw was a flash of blue on the dance floor. He could hear Ginny's voice but he couldn't find a figure to associate it with…Then he saw her. Dancing around and around and laughing. She looked almost as alive as the night he had seen her with the fire sprites, but something was different. Harry had never seen Ginny as physically beautiful; she was pretty enough as redheads go, but not striking. Still, as he watch her dance he began to seriously wonder how he could have missed her all those years before.   
'She looks so happy,' he thought 'And I've never heard her laugh some much ever. I wonder what Ron will say…'  
  
Harry began to look for Ron in the crowd, but he couldn't see him. Asking Parviti if she had seen him, she said he had just left with Hermione and had promised to 'be back soon'. Harry felt rather relieved that he wasn't there…he didn't want Ron spoiling Ginny's fun as she enjoyed her first real dance since her third year at school. He watched her as she moved and mentally berated himself for the umpteenth time that he had broken off his date with her.   
  
"Colin's probably thanking his lucky stars that he got a chance to be with her tonight," he muttered. She was laughing again. Harry began to wonder what Colin was saying that was so damn witty as he watched his best friend's sister glide across the hall.   
************************************************************************************  
  
Draco almost choked on his punch when he saw her. Was that Ginny? He thought bewildered. Colin was grinning like a damn fool and she was on the dance floor with him laughing in her high sweet voice. For one moment Draco let her physical appearance wash over him, then he took in the scene before him for what it was.   
  
Ginny was not an overly social person he knew. Circumstances had made her both shy and quiet and technically this whole Ball should have terrified her. And there she was dancing like she didn't have a care in the world. The song ended and Colin sat down exhausted, but Ginny just switched partners. Now she was dancing with Neville who everyone knew couldn't dance for the life of him. She didn't seem to care; in fact every time he stepped on her toes she just laughed and kept going. Draco didn't realize he was growling in his throat…There was something wrong with her laughter. It was too…sweet? High? Happy? He wasn't sure but something was wrong.   
  
He pushed his way through the crowd to get a closer look. The dance was changing again. 'Good,' he thought. 'Now she'll sit down and I can talk to her…'   
  
But she didn't sit down, she didn't even stand still. She was now with a Ravenclaw, someone he didn't know. Dancing and laughing, always laughing…Draco could feel his skin growing cold. Finally he slammed his punch glass sown on the table. This had gone on long enough; it was time to get her out of there before something went horribly horribly wrong.   
  
***********************************************************************************  
  
The longer Harry watched her the more he got the odd sensation that she was slipping away. He was tempted to laugh because he was sure that it was Ron's over protectiveness that was rubbing off on him…still. He began to push his way forward to the dance floor, but the crowd of people was hindering him hopelessly. 'Never mind…' he thought. 'She has to sit down sometime…and when she does, I'll talk to her.'  
  
Ginny fought hard to ignore the pain that was beginning to creep into her thighs. She tired not to think at all, just to move and react as seemed fit. She drowned out the voice that screamed that everything she was doing was a lie. She knew she was trying to prove that she was not afraid, not a child and did not need to be protected. But she was losing herself and a part of her knew it.  
'I doesn't matter,' she thought angrily. 'Just a little while longer and I'll be done…'  
  
Cutting directly into her dance with Dean, Draco all but knocked the artist over saying, "I know you don't mind if I cut in."  
  
Dean was grumbling but before he had a chance to react Draco had taken Ginny at least ten paces across the floor.   
  
Ginny was momentarily startled at the intrusion, she opened her mouth to protest, but as he moved steadily into the movements of the dance she bit back her response, replacing it with something calmer. "Draco, how nice to see you looking so well this evening," she said airily regaining the glassy look to her eyes and smiling like he was some long lost friend.   
  
Draco sighed harshly in frustration; for a moment he thought she had come back to her senses, but now she had slipped back into her little world…watching her laughing as though nothing was even remotely wrong made him incredibly angry. Didn't she see that she was fixing herself up for an awful ploy?!  
  
"Ginny!" he finally hissed "What the hell is going on here!?"  
  
She started in mock surprise and said, "Come now, Mr. Malfoy, you are a very intelligent person…I believe a dance is what is going on here." Then came the damn laughter.   
Draco fought the urge to shake her.   
  
"Listen Ginny, I know what's going on. This… this whole show tonight, is an act and you know what? You on a fear high right now. This may all seem fun, but you know what the catch is about highs? You always have to come down in the end and that's when you get hurt."  
  
Ginny blinked for a moment and then smiled slowly, brushing her finger over his jaw line. "You know, concern suits you. Pointless though it is, a kind of worried snarl looks nicer on you than a disdaining smirk."  
  
Draco rolled his eyes impatiently and took hold over her hand to spin her around as the move of the dance required. As her arms raised and caught the light it looked like a layer of fine lace was stretched over her skin. The sight made Draco's stomach twist and his anger dim to cold fear. She was such a butterfly, he thought and butterflies have such short lives…  
  
"Ginny, listen, I know you don't like me or trust me, but this has got to stop. Come sit down. After this dance you come sit with me, or Harry if you want. You-you and Harry can talk or something, just a sit down."  
  
"I don't want to sit down!" she insisted gaily. "I want to dance. You are a very good dancer, you know, better than Dean…"  
  
"GINNY!" he growled "Will you STOP this!? Just please sit down before you get hurt…"  
  
  
The unconscious part of Ginny mind was beginning to slowly quiver under his insistence. That was NOT good. She didn't want to think or feel or care at all. What was wrong with Draco? Why was he being this way, and making everything complicated? Why couldn't he just make some snide comment like before? 'Idon'tneedthisIdon'tneedthisIdon'tneedthis…' her mind chanted.   
  
Finally in one sudden moment she burst into a jubilant laugh and before he could speak he brought her hand up to the sliver buckles at his shoulders and in one swift movement scraped her arm against it. Draco jumped at the unexpected move and let go of her quickly.   
  
She fingered the bloodless scratch she had given herself and flashed it before him. Smiling that same eerie smile she said, "Didn't you tell me once that you bleed to know you're alive? See look, no blood… I must not be alive…so I guess I can't get hurt and you can stop worrying."  
  
And before he could react, could scream, could pull her off the floor, she was in someone else arms, laughing.   
  
And she was gone. Goyle had her and they were dancing to something very very slow. Draco's mind raced as he comprehended the words she had just said. He jumped as he stared at his own hands. His fingers were flexing.   
  
'Okay, that's it. Enough of this shit. I'm getting her out of here if I have to drag her off the damn floor by her hair!' he swore as his mind raced. He watched as Ginny and Goyle rocked slowly…well he could wait. He would wait until the music stopped then he was getting her out of the room. He didn't know when it had become so important to him that she not get hurt but it had and that was all that mattered. Unconsciously he glanced over at the food table and was surprised to see Harry watching Ginny over the top of everyone's heads' with an expression bordering on concern. If Mr. Clueless over there had guessed something was wrong then things really were bad. He stared at Harry trying to decide whether the guy really cared for his fiery haired cutter or not. Whether he could deal with that sort of situation and if he would be good for her. Harry was the perfect hero, all he needed a suit of armor and a white horse. Was that what Ginny needed? He watched Harry for a few minutes trying to get an idea of his moves, and missing the scene between Ginny and Goyle behind him.   
  
****************************************************************************************  
  
"Ginny you look gorgeous tonight," said Goyle.  
  
"Why thank you Goyle, how nice of you to notice…"   
The pain was beginning to get to her. The fast dance she had done with Draco had been okay but the slow rhythm she was moving to now was threatening to make her knees buckle. Goyle was saying that he didn't realize what a nice figure she had. Ginny wasn't sure how to react to that comment so she heard herself laugh giving him some blasé comment in return. The pain in her legs was becoming excruciating….  
  
"Gregory," he said smirking casually.   
"Hmm…?" What was he saying, she thought.  
"My name is actually Gregory. Goyle is my last name."  
"Oh, Gregory, that's a nice name." She was afraid if this dance went on too much longer she was going to have to sit down…  
"You DO like pretty enough to eat," he was saying.  
  
Ginny wasn't sure what she replied, the pain her legs drowned out her answer. She focused her mind on the music so that she could keep moving ever so slowly…soon this song would end and she would sit---  
  
All thoughts fled her mind in one mind blowing moment. Goyle's hands, which had been previously residing at her back, were wandering down lower than they should have. She froze in unspoken horror. He had large rough hands, and the right one left her back entirely and began to travel up the front of her dress. In one moment the beautiful glass illusion of the evening shattered into a thousands shards and she felt reality crash down on her.   
Pulling out of his arms she cried, "What are you doing?!"  
  
Goyle was grinning like a cat eyeing a canary; he looked her over like she was desert. Chuckling in a sick, sizing way he said, "Oh come on Ginny, we were just getting started." He reached for her again.   
  
Ginny jumped back with pure horror painted in every line of her face. This wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to end like this. Where had she gone wrong? Suddenly she looked around her at all the people that surrounded her. It was like for the first time she noticed that the entire school was watching her and all the old fear she had fought to drown out before, crashed down on her in one big tidal wave. Her whole body trembled, her hands were shaking uncontrollably. 'What on earth was I thinking?' she screamed on her mind. And through all that Goyle was reaching for her again…   
  
"I have to go," she said as she felt her mind reel. She turned, located the nearest exist and began to push her way through the people, trying to get out of the crowd in the room that had suddenly become claustrophobic. As she pushed forward not paying attention to anyone around her, she felt the familiar pressure behind her eyes of unshed-able tears and the crushing pain in her chest that accompanied them. This was her worst nightmare and she hadn't even dreamt it. If only…if only it was to end there.   



	6. Falling in Place

Part 2: The Conclusion   
  
(Warning: this gets kinda ugly and the language is bit stronger, nothing too graphic, though I promise.)   
  
Draco turned to look back at Ginny and saw to his surprise that she was no longer on the dance floor. Looking around he noticed a blue flashed which he presumed was Ginny heading for the back exit of the hall. She was plowing through the crowd in a shimmering blur…that was not a good sign. Looking over he sought out Harry who seemed to have noticed her also and was heading to the doorway nearest to him. Draco debated between following her or just leaving Harry to the job. 'She likes Harry anyway, he'll find her, rescue her and live happily ever after,' he thought bitterly 'The perfect couple, just peachy keen…' But as he followed Ginny with his eyes he caught sight of something which gave the entire scene a whole new dimension… Goyle was following her with a hunter's twisted smile across his face.  
  
'DAMN!' he thought desperately. He had never calculated on that particular angle. Pushing through the crowd of Slytherins surrounding him, refusing, as was their nature to move an inch, he wondered how he was ever going to reach her in time. Producing his wand he started to threaten to blast all those in his way to Hades if they didn't move.   
  
After an eternity he finally broke through and began to run down the hall, cursing furiously because he wasn't sure which way she had gone. Running blinding he turned the corner---and collided smack into Harry.   
  
Draco looked with disdain as Harry picked himself off the floor. "Did you see where she went?" he barked impatiently.   
  
Harry rubbed his shins and growled, "What are talking about, Malfoy? Don't you have a first year to go pick on?"  
  
Draco flashed him dirty looked and yelled, "DAMNIT! Did you see where Ginny went, you jackass?!"  
  
"What the hell are you doing!" shouted Harry grabbing Draco by the collar of his robes "You git, can't you just leave her alone!"   
  
Draco pushed out of Harry grasp in a rough movement and shouted, "Harry, you are a clueless twit! Haven't you figured out what's going here!"  
  
"What are you talking about!?"  
  
"You---look I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!! JUST TELL WHICH WAY SHE WENT!"  
  
"Do I look like a fool to you?!" bellowed Harry.   
Draco rolled his eyes thinking, 'YES,' but saying exasperated, "Goyle was following her, Harry."  
  
"So, Ginny can deal with that clod headed fool."  
  
"HARRY, didn't you hear about Michele?"  
  
Harry had Draco by the collar again. "Don't you DARE INDICATE THAT GINNY IS THAT TYPE OF GIRL, YOU BASTARD!!"  
  
Draco did punch him this time, hard, in the chest. "I'm NOT SAYING THAT!!! Did you think Michele had any choice in what happened, you twit! Of course not. God, you are so stupid…"  
Harry stepped back eyes wide. "Are saying that---I mean he-he forced---"  
"Now can you tell me where she is, so we can find her before he does?!!"  
  
Harry didn't hesitate. "The East Corridor. I think she's heading for the owlry tower."  
Before the words had left his mouth, the two of them went tearing down the hall.   
  
Ginny let the portrait shut behind as she stumbled blindly from the Gryffindor common room clutching her blade in trembling fingers. She resisted the urge to cut in her dorms because she wasn't sure when people would be coming back and instead headed down the steps towards the owlry tower. Where it was quiet, and safe and alone. Anything, anything at all was better than the horrible pain in her chest. The ache in her legs was miniscule in comparison. She headed swiftly down another winding corridor and up another, racing flights of stairs to what she thought was salvation…constantly unaware of the dark shadow following her.  
  
She felt dirty and disgusted with herself. What had she done to make him look at her that way? Had it been her laughter, her dancing? 'I must have acted like a complete slut,' she berated herself as her throbbing temples matched her throbbing legs. 'What if Ron saw me? Or Harry? Or Draco?' the thought of Draco made her shudder inwardly as she remembered his face pleading with her to sit down. 'He must have seen what a spectacle I was making of myself. He was probably trying to get me to stop from mortifying the whole school,' she thought with increasing misery over the situation building up. Yet he had said she would get hurt and he knew…knew about her-what had he called it--- fear high? How had he known? It didn't matter. All that matter was that her life was coming apart in pieces and she needed to cut so badly…  
  
She entered the owlery tower and collapsed almost instantly on the floor. She let her wand roll un-thought of from her hand and grasping her knife was ready to blade her pain away when suddenly she heard some one say, "That's a pretty blade Gin, but not as pretty as you little waist."  
She froze. It was Goyle.   
  
"What are doing here?" she croaked, her throat filling with the bitter taste of bile as she pulled herself off the floor.  
  
"Well, you left in such a hurry, I was worried about you…didn't mean to scare you."  
Ginny's face turned ashen white with terror. She began to back up slowly, keeping both his hands and his wand insight. "Please, Goyle-"  
"Didn't we decide on Gregory?"  
"Fine. Gregory. Please leave me alone. I'm sorry if I g-gave you the wrong impression tonight but I'm really, really---  
"Oh, you didn't give me the wrong impression."  
"Then could you please leave?" she said desperately, shuddering at the high pitched tone her voice acquired.   
  
Goyle was still advancing slowly towards her with that menacing look on his face. "I could leave…" he said "But there are so many other things we could do."  
  
He was advancing on her predatory style and she felt her blood running cold. The blade in hand was useless against him and her wand was still lying on the floor. Fighting through the fear her mind raced at ways of saving herself…but Goyle was talking again.   
  
"I could put a body binding spell on you…but what's the fun it that?" he said smirking darkly. Suddenly he grew grimly serious and made a mad dash for her that Ginny side swept, banging into the wall startling owls right and left as she choking out, "I'll tell Ron and when he finds you he'll KILL YOU!"   
  
Goyle spat, "You think? That's what Shelly said. You know Michele? Swore that people would find out and kill me. Guess what? I'm still alive and everybody thinks she's the school slut." He hissed. "No one will look at you like anything other than a pathetic little slut ever again."  
  
Ginny wasn't sure exactly what happened, but something about what he said made her snap. Her white hot temper shot through her as she thought, damned if she was going to let this bastard completely ruin her life her already crumbling life. In a moment of pure chance she made a dive for her wand just as he made a dive for her. But before he could catch hold of her, she screamed something. Blinding pain shot through his eyes as he realized the hex she had shot at him. "DAMN YOU BITCH, COME BACK HERE!" he screamed blinded by the searing heat in his eyes.   
  
Ginny was already making a mad dash toward the door. She was blinded in a terror she had never known before and knew one thing only: she had to get out; if Goyle caught her again she was finished. Half running half tripping down the stairs she ignored that her dress was ripped and her beautiful hair was undone and disheveled. She just had to get out and get far far away. Goyle was up and making his way after her bellowing. Ginny ran faster, tripping over the last step and stumbling to get up again. Tears were streaming down her face and blurring her vision and her legs were beyond numb. 'Keep going,' she thought franticly 'keep going and get away...'  
  
She had picked herself up from the floor and was trying to remember which way led to the grounds and which was a dead end when suddenly she heard voice that almost made her freeze again. Goyle was almost at the bottom and he was thundering like a roaring manticore, but just as he reached the bottom Draco and Harry burst in to view.   
  
Harry was breathless and confused. Ginny was in danger and Draco of all people was trying to help him; it didn't make a bit of sense he thought. But that was erased when he saw Ginny running down the hall in front of him, and he heard Goyle yelling above. He froze. 'This can not be happening,' he thought 'This CAN NOT happen!'  
  
Draco was hit with the reality of the situation when he saw Ginny fleeing. He knew he couldn't think about details or else he would freeze up inside, but he was washed over with an anger so great he could feel it bubbling at the bottom of his soul.   
  
Goyle reached the bottom of the steps, his wand raised in preparation for the demise of his redheaded victim. Instead he saw a white Harry and blazing Draco. "SHIT!" he hissed, fear rushing over him as he started to tear down the hall away from the two.   
  
Draco had to admire the speed at which Harry screamed a hex that just missed Goyle as ran for his life. Turning to face his old enemy who was already making his way after Goyle he called "Kill him. I'm getting Ginny."   
  
******************************************************************************  
  
Draco made a mental note to talk to Dumbldore about the design of the damn school as he ran through the endless halls and corridors trying to follow the sound of Ginny's footsteps and heavy sobbing breaths. He had called to her several times that he wouldn't hurt her, but she was in too much shock to listen, (that he thought or the thought of seeing him didn't exactly put her mind at ease.) He was beginning to wish he had sent Harry after; she probably would have stopped for him. Turning the next corner he heard a door slam. Reaching the end of the hall and pushing it open he abruptly found himself outside in the frosty night. Two things occurred to him as he watched Ginny's still terrified figure tear across the frost bitten ground. One was that her dress was sleeveless and the cold was going to get to her very soon. Two was that she was heading straight for the Forbidden Forest.   
Willing himself forward Draco followed her.   
  
Ginny was sure that her lungs would explode. She couldn't breathe or think any longer and the only coherent thought she could decipher was that she had to get way, quickly. Her instincts told her she was being followed and she pushed herself harder. As she reached the Forbidden Forest she felt incredible relief wash over her; Goyle was too much of a coward to follow her there. Pushing blinding through the undergrowth she knew soon her legs would collapse from underneath her, but it didn't matter; he would never find her in the forest and she would be safe. That was her last thought as her knees buckled and she fell to the ground.   
  
  
As Draco reached the forest edge he stopped leaning wearily up against a tree in an attempt to catch his breath that was coming out in billowing white clouds. The air cut through his lungs as he listened for the sound of her running. Quite suddenly it stopped and Draco assumed that she had either stopped fleeing or collapsed, his instincts leaning towards the latter. The slight relief he felt that she was no longer running was over shadowed by the sharp realization that the cold would reach her faster if she were laying still. Pushing forward through the branches of the huddled trees he sought her out with renewed urgency   
  
As he pushed his way through the bushes and brambles he found himself cursing every child book he had ever been read.   
'Damn all that stupid nonsense they tell us,' he swore 'The girl's in distress and the evil villain captures her with out a trace, But does that stop the hero, the wonderful shining prince? NO! He knows exactly where she is because LOVE just guides them to one other…What kind of bullshit is that!? In real life there is no prince just some git who hasn't got a clue where he's going-' "AAaahhH" a branch whacked into his forehead at that moment. 'And he gets half killed in the process, probably never finds her, and if he does he has to give her to the real hero even if HE is a clueless twit and---' "OWwww" (his arm caught in tangle of brambles.) '-And love and the power of the heart has nothing to do with anything, and doesn't lead you anywhere---' "AAHhhoOOOUUuu" THUD. He tripped over a tree root and fell forward about two feet. Rising slowly from the ground his train of thought stopped abruptly…she was there lying prone on the ground in front of him.  
  
Half-stumbling to her side, Draco checked her breathing and made a quick assessment of the wounds she had received during her trek through the forest. Satisfied that she had no major injuries he picked up her limp body and made the journey back to the castle.   
  
***************************************************************************************  
  
Harry paced the corridor he had chased Goyle down impatiently. Draco and Ginny weren't back and he was getting worried. Goyle lay in a heap at the end of the hall. Between the body-binding curse, the tongue freezing hex, the jelly bones curse and number of other painful hexes Harry had disposed on him, he wasn't going anywhere. It had taken all of Harry's self-control to keep him from just finishing Goyle off for good. He wasn't sure that Draco wasn't serious when he had called out 'Kill him.' 'Where are they?' he thought frantically.   
  
As if to answer him Draco appeared a minute later looking much worse for wear. "Where is she?" cried Harry rushing up to him.  
"Where's Goyle?" asked Draco with a deadly look on his face.   
"In a pile at the end on the hall."  
"Is he dead?"  
"No, but he has enough curses on him to keep him from moving for the rest of his life."  
  
Draco snorted something nasty about ' bullshit Gryffindor nobility' but signaled for Harry to follow him. "She's in here," he said.   
  
He led Harry to a room in an unknown corridor off the Slytherin common room. Opening the door Harry found a bed, a night table and a few other items. Draco muttered 'luminous' to light the dim room, where Ginny lay sleeping in the bed.   
  
Harry automatically went to her checking her to make sure she was all right. Satisfied that she was not hurt beyond some minor cuts and bruises he looked up at Draco asking "What is this room?"   
  
Draco shrugged. "I wanted a room of my own. This is it."  
Harry raised an eyebrow. "Just like that, you got your own room?"  
Draco smirked impassively. "My dad is Lucious Malfoy, I get what ever I want."  
He jerked his head towards the door signaling that they leave, ignoring Harry's disgusted grimace. Harry tip toed out and shut the door behind him, before turning to face Malfoy who was leaning with his usual casual arrogance against the outside wall. Something about his attitude made Harry furious; he himself was working hard to keep from completely freaking out over the whole situation and Draco looked as though nothing had happened!  
  
Bursting out the first think that came to his mind he accused, "You KNEW the truth about Michele and you kept quiet about it! What kind of bastard are you!"  
  
Draco looked up at Harry with a snarl on his face. "Once again Potter, you don't have clue what you're on about."  
  
"Bullshit! You knew and you sat on it! That makes you just as bad as he is! Of course can we really be surprised that You would do something like that? It is YOU after all…"  
"For YOUR INFORMATION, POTTER. I didn't know about Michele." He growled at Harry's disbelieving snort, but continued by saying, "The way Goyle was bragging, you couldn't really tell. I just couldn't see Michele doing-that-with him, like that. I couldn't see it and God knows, Goyle is capable of anything. He may be stupid, but he's ruthless. Then when I saw him after Ginny…things just sort of fell into place. Okay, Potter? So just shut your face up about it already. I was the one who said to kill him."  
  
But Harry wasn't satisfied, even though he knew in his heart of hearts that Draco was probably telling the truth he was so angry, confused and bitter that he spat out, "How do I know you weren't in on it? How do I know you haven't done anything to Ginny?"  
  
The minute he said it he regretted it. Draco looked fit to kill. He pulled out his wand ready to scream a curse when a loud thud came from in side the room. Both of them froze, then rushed to the door.   
  
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Ginny was awoken but the sound of shouting outside her door. Opening her eyes cautiously she found her self in the bed of a dark room. Still completely disoriented she assumed it was her dorm and sat up quickly, throwing the blanket aside. She was greeted by the site of her shredded dress, which quickly brought back the memories of the earlier events. Thinking over everything with the dance and Goyle made her feel intensely nauseous, only to be surpassed by the pervious self disgust.   
  
"What was I thinking?" she bemoaned softly, rubbing her temples. As with every other problem she faced her first thought was of her knife, which she presumed to be in the drawer of 'her' nightstand, as she had forgotten that it was laying on the steps of the owlery tower, dropped during her flight.   
  
Without thinking, she pulled out the drawer next to her too quickly causing it come crashing to the floor and creating the loud thud heard outside the door. Before she could contemplate the mess, or the fact that the items in the drawer were not hers, the door burst open producing, of people she thought, Harry and Draco Malfoy.   
  
'She looks like a unicorn in a hunter's trap' thought Harry as he made his way to her. The shimmer charm on her dress was gone, as was the flush and sparkle of the dance, leaving her just a pale and frightened girl in a thin, torn dress. Draco looked her and at the drawer, with its spilled contents, lying on the floor, his expression growing steadily darker. He muttered the 'luminous' charm again, but kept his position at the door with his arms folded, working on his expression until it bordered on indifferent.  
  
"Where am I?" asked Ginny looking around her at the strange room. Harry answered, "You're safe now. This is a private room of Malfoy's; no one will disturb you here."  
  
"Goyle?" she asked faintly. Harry's eyes narrowed. "He's taken care of for now. Draco brought you here and no one knows but us two."  
  
Ginny looked questioningly at Draco, who gave a tight nod, not trusting himself to speak yet. He kept looking from the drawer to her and then to the drawer again. But Harry was talking,   
  
"Did-did he ---hurt you, Ginny?" She knew by his expression what he was referring to. She caught Draco rolling his eyes at the phrasing, but answered as calmly as she could, "He hurt me, but not like that. I got away first."  
  
Harry heaved a sigh of relief and Draco's stance relaxed a fraction of an inch. She still wondered why he didn't say anything. She remembered his words at the party and wondered again if he guessed her behavior would bring about the reaction it did from Goyle, or if he had been alluding to something else. As it was, the expression on his face was indifferent, but also almost angry?  
  
Harry kept repeating that she was safe and that everything was taken care. Finally Draco shot her one piercing stare before he asked her, "What were you looking for, Ginny?"   
  
Harry ignored him but Ginny froze. "What?" she asked nervously.   
  
"You heard me, what were you looking for?" repeated Draco, gesturing to the spilled drawer. Harry looked confused at his insistence, on the trivial matter, but Ginny swallow hard, her throat feeling suddenly dry. "I-I thought I was in my dorm…and I was looking…"  
  
  
"Looking for what?" Draco insisted. He wasn't sure why he was pushing the issue, except for the fact that somehow he knew it needed to come out then and there, in front of Harry. If he wanted to simper over her playing hero he damn well needed to know what the hell was going on.   
  
"Look Draco, could you just drop what ever your point is? She's obviously tired and---"  
"HARRY!" Draco yelled "WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR ONCE!"  
  
Harry was so surprised by the sudden out burst that he actually did close his mouth. Draco walked over to the nightstand and began to sort through the items spewed across the floor. He finally picked out a tiny bronze dragon figurine and placed it in her hand. She looked confused and Harry started muttering again, when Draco pressed the eye on the dragon like a little button. A fine sharp blade shot out of the dragon's mouth. Ginny jumped and Harry just stared sputtering "W-w-wwhat are you-you twit-why---"  
  
The next thing Ginny did silenced Harry immediately. She took the blade carefully and drew the broad side the knife slowly down her arm and across her palm. "Yours?" she asked in voice barely above a whisper. Just for a moment time stood still. Worry and triumph collided on Draco's face while Ginny sat up straighter mesmerized by the blade in her hand and Harry stood gaping at the scene in front of him, slowly putting two and two together.   
  
Unfortunately he came up with the sum of twenty-two. "Oh my God…OH MY GOD GINNY! You were trying to-you were going to kill yourself!! Oh my GOD!" He was pacing up and down raking his hands furiously through his hair. "I didn't know, I didn't see" Suddenly he grabbed Ginny by the shoulders practically screaming "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!"  
  
Draco let his head fall into his hands at Harry's out burst. If there was one thing you never told a cutter it was that they were suicidal. But Ginny was already saying, "Harry, you've got it all wrong… I wasn't trying to kill myself. Harry please stop…I-I was just c-c-cutting."  
Harry froze. "What?"  
  
"She said she was cutting, you git, what part of that didn't you understand?"  
  
"STAY OUT OF THIS MALFOY! Ginny what's going on?"  
  
Ginny swallowed again and looked pleadingly at Draco. His expression softened a fraction but he refused to bail her out of the situation. "I-I was cutting," she repeated, feeling suddenly stupid.   
"Cutting what?"  
She lowered her eyes and chewed at her bottom lip. "M-M-myself."  
  
For a second Harry was silent. Then came the bellowing, "WHAT!!!!!!"  
The unshed-able tears where beginning to build up again behind her eyes. "I was upset about the party, and I just wanted to be alone and to take some of the hurt away so I went to the owlery to---to cut…"  
  
Harry jumped back at least a foot away from her. "You-you cut yourself? WHY?!"  
  
"I told you!" she cried desperately "To make the hurt go away…"  
  
Harry kept gasping like a fish out of water. "You…you CUT yourself to make the PAIN go AWAY? Ginny that's MAD!"  
  
"Oh, brilliant, hero. Any other poetic remarks you can come up with?" growled Draco. He somehow knew that Ginny had to tell someone about what she was doing to herself. He thought that maybe saying it out loud would make her look at her cutting differently, but Harry's reaction was not helping.   
  
"ONE MORE WORD FROM YOU MALFOY AND I RIP YOUR THROAT OUT!!"  
  
"Harry!" cried Ginny, bring his attention back to her "I don't expect you to understand, but please try to. S-sometimes…there is this ache inside of you and you can't DO anything about it! You can't stop it or control it. But this…" she gestured to the knife still in her hands. "This you can …"  
  
Harry was stepping back shaking his head from side to side, eyes wide and still methodically raking at his hair. Seeing his expression Ginny struggled harder to put the hurricane of emotions rampaging inside her to words.   
  
"I can't control you or Ron or what happens at home or what happens to me at school. They're all these little hurts and they build up inside like a huge weight or a boulder or something and they just crush down til I can't breath or think or feel anything but that horrible ache…and--and I need something-anything-to take it away. The pain that comes from a blade I can control and manipulate. The cuts and bleeding that's something I can deal with and for every scar I get, the ache inside is a little bit less…"  
  
Harry was still staring blankly. He opened his mouth to say something but was shut up by a bitter laugh.   
  
Draco stood up from his position by the side of the bed and leaned over the side of the bed to look Ginny in the face. "You're lying to yourself," he said, not even trying to keep the hurt, anger and sorrow out of his voice. Ginny sat up straighter as if surprised by his words and blinking rapidly she stuttered, "W-what do you mean?"  
  
Draco was furious, furious that someone had to go through this, that someone like her had to feel the way she did and that she still hadn't realized what he had figured out long ago. "Tell me Ginny, you say a blade gives you control…who controls who? You control the blade or it controls you?"  
  
She shook her head; eyes frightened. "No, it's not like that…"  
"Oh isn't it? And what about the relief? Does it really make you feel better, bleeding yourself?"  
"It does--"she insisted  
"Then why is it the longer you cut the more you have to do it? If it was really solving all the mess inside you, then shouldn't that go away? But it doesn't, does it? It just gets worse and worse…"  
"But---"  
"Because the truth is that for every minute of relief a blade gives you, it adds ten pounds to the ache you say is ripping you up inside. How often did you cut when you first started? Once, maybe twice a month?"  
"About that much…"  
"And how often do you cut now?"  
"I-I-I don't know…"  
"Well I do! After every bad test and every Hogsmeade weekend and every fight with Ron and practically every class with Snape! And those are just the times I've noticed or seen you-Lord knows how many times I've missed! Ginny-"  
  
He sat next her grasping her face in his hands forcing her brown eyes to look into his gray ones. "Ginny it's a death trap, a viscous cycle, where you either get hurt or you get hurt. What's the POINT!"   
  
For a moment she sat there trembling, trying not to hear his words trying not to see his reasoning, then suddenly she got fiercely angry.   
  
"Well what if it doesn't solve anything!? So what? It makes the pain stop even if only for just a few minutes and that's worth something! And what is it really? Lord everyone makes it sound so melodramatic. It's really just me and a blade and tiny thin paper cuts that hardly bleed at all. Cuts that stop hurting in less than a day. God, all they leave are tiny scars that nobody even SEES…"  
  
"DANM IT GINNY I SAW THEM! I saw them as soon as you walked on the God Damn train!"  
  
Draco pulled one of her arms forward tracing the scars that ran over it. "I see all of them Ginny, here and here." He turned her arm over and found the lightening bolt in the inside of her elbow "And here" he said. Ginny felt the tears surface on her eyes making the image of his face blurry, as her body shook uncontrollably. Draco lifted his hands to her face tracing his thumb across her eyes, "And the scars here…" he said. Then very carefully, so as not to frighten her, he put his hand over her heart.   
  
"And here."   
  
And the dam the had held her back from crying for so long finally broke and Ginny burst into violent sobs as the tears from months and months of silent hurts finally broke through. And without even thinking of exactly what he was doing Draco pulled her in to his arms and let her cry.   
  
As Harry stood watching them, he felt his whole sense of perception turn up side down. He didn't know them, either one. And with out really comprehending what he was doing he turned around and left the room.   
  
***************************************************************************************  
  
Ginny wasn't sure how long she cried, or how long afterwards she sat still and just let her archenemy hold her. But quite suddenly she realized that was leaning against Draco's chest tracing the recent scars he had received chasing her in the Forbidden Forest and what was more she wasn't even focused on those scars but the pale silvery ones underneath them. She sat and wiped her face with her bare arm.   
"You cut," she said. It wasn't a question.   
  
Draco realized how much he hated to even think about the subject. The temptation to ignore the comment was strong but the look in her eyes stopped him. Carefully he said, "I used to."  
  
Silence. "Why?" she asked finally.  
  
He watched her face as she waited for him to answer, but he didn't want to talk about his life what it was really like under all the meanness he spouted out for all those around him. He didn't want to, but when she looked away, disappointed he found himself explaining in spite of himself.   
  
"Why does anyone cut?! We all have our different reasons…or maybe it's all the same; I don't know. I mean it's not a very difficult situation to understand. My father's a Death Eater and my mother's---(he choked a little)---she just locks herself in her room and cries most of the time." He was getting angry in spite of trying to maintain his self-control. Draco liked spite and indifference, they were easy emotions to control, but anger was too unpredictable. Still she had dragged her this far…  
  
"He hits my mother."   
  
He pronounced the sentence with as little feeling as possible. It didn't fool Ginny. "And he used to hit me sometimes…but not often."  
  
Ginny tried not to gasp as her mind began to slowly adjust the mental picture she had drawn of Draco's home life.   
  
"When I was little I used to listen to them fighting and then to her crying…And I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even scream," he continued coldly "I discovered knives when I was very young." He wasn't looking at her anymore but at some invisible point just over her shoulder. "When I was cutting I felt like I was doing something to help her…to help me…" he suddenly laughed very bitterly "Amazing what we fool ourselves into believing, isn't it?"  
He didn't notice her hand come up to brush his hair out of his eyes, but her touch startled him enough to make him jump slightly. The movement brought them in eye contact again.   
  
"How did you ever stop?" she asked.  
  
Draco shifted his weight slightly and let himself remember back to what had happened all that time ago. "I was a kid when I started cutting," he began slowly. "I didn't know what to cut and what not to…I slit my wrist once accidentally." Ginny fought the urge to gasp again and silently turned over his hands. Sure enough, on the left side of his left wrist there was a scar more visible then the others.   
  
"Anyway," he said quickly "I almost bled to death and when my father found out he was furious."  
"Furious?"  
Draco snorted, "He thought I was trying to kill myself. Lord, I was ten and even in my house, ten is little young to be trying to kill yourself. But he wouldn't believe me. Maybe he knew what kind of hell he made the place, I don't know, and under any circumstances but he was still ready to kill me. Said Malfoys weren't cowards and only cowards killed themselves. He thrashed me over that and it sort of became a battle of wills; I would cut, he would find out and thrash me; then he started hexing my blades and hiding anything sharp… it got to the point where I was cutting because I couldn't cut in peace. Then the letter from Hogwarts came and there was the whole bustle about that…And one day when we were in Diagon Alley getting things for school, I was so angry and frustrated; he had left my mother bleeding in her room again I couldn't get a blade anywhere. And while we were walking, this kid--- I don't know who he was--- ran into me. And I just blew up at him. I felt really bad about it but then my father came up and practically congratulated me. He was proud of me. It seemed worth it at the time…"  
  
Draco slowed the narrative as he reached the end. "It just seemed to fit; the lashing out at people…it completed the whole stupid family cycle. And then I left for Hogwarts and being away from home helped. I didn't stop cutting right away, it took a couple of years…it was just that the meaner I was, the easier it was to ignore the rest-of it all. It got clearer eventually, what the cutting was really about…but not for awhile."  
  
He stopped, not sure what her reaction would be. Suddenly the whole story of his life seemed lame. He felt his face muscles tighten, drawing the look of cold indifference over his present one of hurt. It was hard to think of those times, because for all that he had stopped cutting he could not bring himself to regret the years he had gotten by with a blade. In many ways it was still easier to hurt himself then to hurt other people.  
As if she had read his mind she asked, "Why do you pretend to be a hateful bastard when you're not?"  
  
"Oh, Don't fool yourself, Ginny. I AM hateful. I just wasn't always."  
  
Ginny swallowed as she tried to see past the sheet of ice that he kept around himself. It was so hard to see him as anything more than a mean jerk who liked watching others suffer. His gazed shifted back to that invisible point just behind her shoulder as she took his hand uncertainly. At her touch his eyes narrowed like he was trying to focus on something far away from them both. Searching for some connecting point she carefully ran her fingers of the scar on his wrist…and that's when she saw it. The flash of humanity in his gray eyes that made him human and hurting just like she was.   
  
Letting go of his hand she drew her knees up to her chest. "You know the worst thing about cutting---"  
"Besides the scars?"  
"Besides the scars," she affirmed with a slight smile that faded quickly "Is how alone you are." He nodded in silent agreement  
"You can't tell anyone-"  
"Because they won't understand," he said.  
"And you don't know what they'll say or think about you…"  
"And when they do find out they always think you're a suicidal manic."  
Ginny shivered. "They don't understand that you're not trying to die…"  
"You're trying to live," he finished.   
  
"I don't want to be alone anymore," she whispered hugging her knees tightly. The loneliness was like winter, a beautiful frosty change at first, but one that got colder and colder the longer it ran on.   
  
"You won't have to be."   
He said it so quietly she almost didn't hear him. Almost.   
  
Draco stood very suddenly and straightened his robes. "You're staying here tonight, and don't worry, no one will find you. Get some sleep." His face was completely expressionless as he made his way to the door. 'Funny how little that matters when you've seen someone in the face clearly,' she thought.   
Suddenly she laughed softly, "And things will be better in the morning?"  
  
He finally cracked a small grin. "Yeah…maybe."  
  
**************************************************************************************  
  
The first thing Darco saw upon closing the door was Harry. He was still standing there with that blank numb expression on his face.   
"Have people come back from the dance yet?" he asked  
Harry rubbed his temple blankly, "Yeah most have."  
  
Draco made a moved to leave the hall. "Where are you going?" asked Harry  
"To Dumbledore of course. What, do you think we should leave Goyle in the middle of the hall until your hexes wear off? Try and use that brain you're supposed to have, Potter."  
  
"What about Ginny?" asked Harry glancing towards the door.   
"What about her? She's sleeping."  
Harry took a deep shuddering breath. "I guess that's better for her, so she doesn't have to meet anyone else tonight. I better go to Professor MacGongal and explain things. You're telling them about Goyle so I mine as well give her a briefing of what happened. She'll keep quiet."  
  
Draco didn't bother responding to Harry's thinking out loud. He felt like he was both physical and emotionally spent.   
  
Harry suddenly stopped in the hall and practically collapsed. "What are we going to do about her?! I mean I never thought-never guessed….I should have known! I should have seen it! YOU saw it---how could I MISS something this big!"  
  
"Potter will you get a grip," Draco barked roughly. "You didn't see it because you didn't know what to look for. Now you know, so just drop it."  
  
"You mean it's okay now? You got through to her? She'll stop doing that-that-she'll stop hurting herself now?"  
  
Draco didn't mean to laugh again, but he did laugh, even more bitter than the last. "NO, she's not going to stop cutting just like that Potter. She still has all the same damn issues to work through, do you think that you and I knowing are going to change all that and somehow make it all better!? Stop being a twit."  
  
Harry digested Draco's words and then continued to walk forward, this time silently. Finally he said, "We shouldn't tell anyone right?"  
  
"Glad you managed to deducted that one, Potter," hissed Draco sarcastically.   
  
Harry was getting tired of Draco's attitude really quickly, but swallowed his retort in favor of getting information about Ginny. "But what can I do? You-(it choked him to admit I)t-you were right when you said I didn't have a clue about what was going on. So what can I do?"  
  
Draco almost groaned out loud. He didn't want to have this talk with Harry in the middle of the night when he was so tired he felt like his body and his soul had been wracked. Still he thought, better to have it now before he arses up everything in the morning by doing something stupid.   
  
"Just don't make a big deal of it okay? When she looks upset don't be an ass and go asking if she's about to cut or been cutting. Trying and distract her. Don't ever hide her blade or trying to keep sharp things away from her; she'll know and get angry. And another thing: when she's with you guys and she gets that glazed look in her eyes try to bring her into the conversation. Don't force her in but don't let her loose herself either. You think you can handle that Hero?"  
  
"Okay," said Harry, checking off his words like items on a list. "What about winter holidays? Ron and Hermione and I were going to the Grangers…"  
  
"Good. She can stay here then. I'm staying and I'll keep an eye on her. She needs some time away from the Dream Team," said Draco.  
  
"Oh yeah, just what she needs, to spend the holidays with an over stuffed prat who-"  
  
"Who was the only one who figured out what was going on POTTER. If it'd been left up to you, she'd be dead by now!"  
  
Harry wanted to shout something, to mutter a thousand hexes and curses at Draco, but the nagging person in the back of his head kept whispering Draco had a point. Instead he tried to think of something that he could do right. "Tomorrow I'll get her some flowers, lilies or something," Harry said smiling triumphantly.   
  
"Harry for THE LOVE OF MERLIN she cuts herself! You don't get her flowers for something like that!!"  
  
"Look Draco you may know about cutting but you don't know a thing about making her feel better. I'm not trying to pretend everything is okay I just want to try and make her smile!"  
  
Draco scowled, but swallowed down the list of profanities he had in mind. Finally he said, "Alright, get her flowers. But don't get lilies, get her irises, she likes those. And maybe some tulips, but defiantly irises, you know the blue ones and the bits of yellow in side."  
  
He didn't understand why Harry froze and turned to look at him with an odd twisted expression. He figured it was just exhaustion. He didn't even question when Harry opened his mouth as if to say something and then shut it thinking better of his words.   
  
Harry was trying to deal with the idea of seeing Malfoy as a person with a character beyond the asshole he always was. He opened his mouth to ask him how he had known about the flowers but stopped. Some how saying it out loud would make it a little too real for him and perhaps he wasn't quite ready to except the new situation. Perhaps he wasn't quite ready to admit that he had lost Ginny, or more importantly that he had never really had her to begin with. It didn't really matter in the end, he told himself, the important thing was that she was safe.   
  
"It's a shame we haven't done the hard part yet," murmured Harry.   
"We haven't?"   
"Ron still doesn't know."  
Draco cringed in spite of himself. "We leave that for later. Much much later."  
  
As they reached the almost empty ballroom they saw that Dumbledore was standing just out of the way already waiting for them with MacGongal not far behind. Draco stopped just before entering the room. "I am so tired. When this is over I'm going to bed and not moving for the next century."  
  
"Yeah, so am I," said Harry "And in morning things will be better."  
  
Draco sighed. "Yeah… Maybe."  
  
And maybe, just maybe….they would be.   
  
  
The End  
  
  
  
  
The vote was: Harry: 18 Draco: 52   
  
Okay: First and for most to all you Harry/Ginny shippers I am REALLY sorry. I am usually a H/G shipper, really! But I just couldn't see him being able to grasp the situation I put Ginny in. I promise I'll write a nice H/G fic really soon to make up for it, so please please please don't be too mad at me? *smiles her best puppy dog smile* I hope most of you liked this. Review and tell me what you think.   
  
Now:   
  
To Not Saying: I know how you feel, I really do. I hope I got it right, the way I described cutting and I hope it helps a little to see what it does to you. Please hang in there and know that you aren't alone and hopefully this part of your life will pass. But do realize that cutting doesn't help your problems…it just adds something else to them.  
  
Lana Mari: I hate it when I miss mistakes like that. I don't have a beta reader and I have to keep re reading my work for correction, naturally I miss stuff. Thanks for catching that one. And sorry to any mistakes I may have made and not caught.   
  
Grace and Amanda Macini: I do cut, but I'm trying to quit. I come from a very Weasley type family, and things can get kinda crazy around here. I started cutting awhile ago, but I know it's wrong. Writing about it helps though…sorta keeps things in perspective. Thanks for the concern.  
  
Gilderoy Lockhart: You had the most insightful review of all. I definitely agree a guy certainly doesn't solve these problems and I hope you like the way I ended this.   
  
Meep da Sheep: About that cave in the Himalayas, do they cost much? Could I rent one?  
  
Kiara: I love long rambling essays as reviews  
  
All that Glitters and Anyone who has friends who cut: Please be patient with us and try to understand. We don't like what we do, it just seems to make things a little easier on ourselves. I'm not saying it's right…it just IS.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. author's note

A lot of people asked me a sequel to this story... i thought 'no way in hell am i going on this emotional voyage again'. Then something happened to me and the events forced a possible sequel to come into mind. Well the damn thing won't leave me alone. I might write a sequel... but I would try and do a better job at characterizing people.. that means no sappy Ginny /Draco story that makes him some sort of dime store hero. you still want one? let me know. 


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